“And you haven’t corrected her because of Andrew, or because you’re scared she doesn’t feel the same way?” Marcela asks.
“She could barely admit that there was something between usbefore anything physical happened.” I thought I’d pushed her too far, asking her to admit as much. Her silence had terrified me, but it wasn’t until I covered her shaking hands with mine that I realized she was the one who was terrified. “And that if I thought she was bad at dating, it has nothing on how bad she is at feelings. It’s too soon to tell her the truth. I can’t do that until I have a better idea of how she feels about me.”
“If you’re sure.” But Theo doesn’t look convinced. “As for your next problem, you remember I’m familiar with sibling animosity, right? Though I’m not sure how much help I can be where that’s concerned, unless she plans on going no contact with her brother.”
“That would make everything so much worse, even though she’s probably considered it.” I let out a sigh. “There are so many little hurts between them, they barely know how to communicate without bickering.”
“Do you think they’ll ever be able to come to some sort of understanding?”
“Honestly?” I consider their hostile dynamic.Fuck you. Fuck you too, sis.“I’m not sure. It’s not like there’s anything seriously unforgivable holding them back. They’re both equally as hardheaded, petty, and willing to die clutching their grudges.”
“Yeah, I’m familiar with the concept.” I don’t know much about Theo’s brother, only the offhand comments he’s made over the last few months I’ve known him. “I don’t know if Ben and I will ever find it within ourselves to forgive each other. There are times when I miss him, but I’m not sure if that’s just misplaced guilt or nostalgia for the happy sibling relationship we never really had.”
“I miss my dad sometimes too,” I say. “I have this whole fantasy in my head of him coming to his senses and promising to accept me no matter who I love. Then reality sets in. I’m the reason my dad is no longer on speaking terms with his brother and for my parents’divorce, and at the end of the day what was it all for? So I could fall in love and spend the rest of my life with a woman?” I shake my head. “If he knew, I can’t even imagine the rage he would rain down on me. That I destroyed his life for nothing.”
“Julian,noneof that is true.” Angela pulls me into her arms. “Your father has no one but himself to blame for how his life turned out when he turned his back on you. That’s true no matter who you end up with.”
“Logically, I know that,” I tell her. “But I can’t get this image of him out of my head. Enraged and red in the face and…disappointed. Like he couldn’t recognize who his own son was anymore. Or like he never knew who I was to begin with.”
“He’s a piece of shit, and he doesn’t deserve you,” she says. “That will never change, unfortunately. But don’t you dare spend another second blaming yourself forhismistakes. Okay?”
“Easier said than done,” I tell her. “But I’ll try.”
“Good,” she says. “And if I’m being real, I’m not inclined to agree that a reconciliation between Leti and her brother is for the better. He gave you a concussion. I don’t care if you forgave him and I don’t care that I’ve never met him before, but I mayneverforgive him for that.”
“It was an accident,” I explain, exasperated. “I punched him first. I was still swinging at him when he tackled me. He was defending himself, and it was a complete accident that I hit my head on the table leg. It was no one’s fault, but everyone keeps blaming him because I’m the one who got hurt. The guilt is starting to eat me alive.”
“Jules, you’re way too nice.”
A spike of irritation heats my blood, even though I know Angela only wants what’s best for me.
“If I can figure out a way to make them forgive each other, itwouldn’t be an issue,” I say. “I’d get the girl, and I’d get to keep my best friend. Boom. Done. No more issues.”
“He’s going to meddle, isn’t he?” Theo asks, to which Angela solemnly nods. “Oh boy.”
“It’s for their own good,” I say. “They’ll thank me when they’re old and gray and still on speaking terms because I helped heal all their childhood trauma.”
“You’re not a therapist,” Angela says. “Or a miracle worker.”
“Aren’t I?” I ask. “If I could get Leticia to actually like me, then I can do anything.”
37
Leti
This date is a total snooze fest.
It’s not that Nathaniel is boring or lacking in any way. Au contraire, he’s been completely nice and funny and charming all night. I’m the problem. I’m the one with nothing interesting to say or contribute to the conversation. If anything, Nathaniel’s working overtime to save this date and pick up my slack.
“Your heart’s not in this, is it?” Nathaniel’s expression is resigned at the end of the night, and guilt immediately eats away at my insides.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “My complication got complicated…er.”
“Don’t feel bad,” he says. “I practically pushed this redo date on you. When I got that strange text from you, I wasn’t going to miss the chance to try again, even if it was an accident.”
“It was something, all right.” My cheeks heat at the memory of Julian’s distraction. “I made a promise to myself that I’d see our connection through before I made up my mind, but the truth is I think I already have.”
“I’m not the one you want,” he guesses as we arrive at my door. I return his sad smile as he says, “Goodbye, Leti.”
