“It’s okay.” He lets out a long sigh. “We just started going out, and we aren’t exclusive. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
That’s hard to believe. This thing with Julian has been confusing, messing with my head in a way regular dating can’t hold a candle to.
“This other person,” Nathaniel starts. “You think it could be serious?”
The question jars me for a moment, an emphatic no on the tip of my tongue, but that’s my defensive instincts kicking in. The truth is I’ve been fighting these strange, mixed-up feelings for Julian from the very beginning. The sexual attraction I so rarely feel for anyone, let alone so instantaneously. The romantic attraction that grudgingly followed close behind and only grew stronger each time we hung out.
It’s not that I regret not giving Julian a fair chance on our second first date, exactly. It’s the clarity I miss. The lines I drew in the sand have been crossed and kicked over so many times, I no longer know where we stand with each other.
“It’s not like that with us. We’re—” I stop myself short of sayingjust friends, becausewowthat has never sounded more delusional than it does right now. “Complicated?”
“Been there.” Nathaniel flashes a grin full of such understanding and sympathy, I practically slump against the wall in relief. “Believe me. Can’t say I miss that either.”
“It’s the worst,” I concur. “And believe me, ‘complicated’ is the last thing I want. It sort of happened without my meaning it to. I’m still trying to figure out what it all means, if anything.”
“Then I guess I should give you some time to figure it out,” he says, something eerily like disappointment shining in his eyes. “How about this.” Nathaniel reaches for my hand.
I let him touch me this time, even as everything inside me rebels.
“I’m not looking for complicated. If you decide you aren’t either, let’s redo this date. We’ll get dinner by the riverwalk and spend the whole night talking the way we couldn’t tonight.”
He paints a romantic picture. I can imagine us eating at a table by the water, walking beneath the trees lit up by fairy lights, the light bouncing off the river. Talking, getting to know each other in ways we haven’t gotten a chance to yet.
“That sounds nice, but—”
“No buts. Consider it an open invitation,” he says, his expression hopeful. “You know how to contact me.”
“Right,” I say. “That I do.”
“Call me if you change your mind.” He releases my hand as ifreluctant to go. “And if I never hear from you again, no hard feelings. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agree, more confused than ever as I push the key into my front door. As it shuts behind me, I collapse against the wall with a dramatic groan. Bella shushes me from the couch, muttering something about not waking the kids, and the night’s events die on my tongue. I need to talk to someone about what the hell happened tonight, but it’s only once I’m stopped from doing so that I reconsider. It’s been one thing after another tonight. I haven’t taken a second to ask myself how I feel about everything that went down with Julian, my brother, and Nathaniel.
“How was the party?” she asks, voice just above a whisper, after moving me into the kitchen. “Still awful?”
I open my mouth, the truth on the tip of my tongue, but a knock sounds at the front door before I can. For a moment I’m paralyzed, wondering if Julian could be outside. I briefly wonder what kind of explanation he could possibly have for himself, for the flirting and fighting and mind games. But I don’t have an explanation for my own actions, kissing him like that with Nathaniel only a wall away.She could be the one love. His words not mine, my brother had said. What a pair we make, seeking each other out despite the other people in our lives.
But it’s not him at the door. All my thoughts come to a roaring halt when my sister comes through the front door.
“Oh good, you’re here.”
“Please don’t make me go back down there,” I beg. “Elena, if you love me—”
“The party’s over.” Her arms cross over her chest as she stares daggers at me. I check my phone, but it’s only ten thirty. Surprising, given that my family’s parties usually last long into the night. From the look on my sister’s face, you’d think I had something to do with it being cut short.
“But it’s only ten thirty,” Bella echoes my thoughts, confusion furrowing her brows.
“We had to send everyone home after Andrew and Julian got into it with each other.” Her glare stays trained on me, her tone so accusing that for a split second, I mistake her for our mom. “They’re at the hospital right now. What the hell happened out there?”
“What do you mean, got into it? They got in a fight? Aphysicalfight?” When Elena nods, I rear back, stunned. I can’t imagine Julian coming to physical blows with anyone, least of all Andrew. For all the verbal sparring we’ve done over the years, I can’t imagine my brother getting into a physical fight of any kind either. “What are you talking about?”
“I was hoping you could fill in the blanks.” Elena’s stern face morphs into concern. “You were the last one out there with them. Did you and Andrew get in a fight?”
“Of course we got in a fight.” I deflate. “I left when he called me out for being the pathetic loser disappointment child. I don’t exactly have an argument there, do I?”
“Oh, Leti.” Bella pulls me into a hug when my eyes start stinging all over again. “I hate the way your brother talks to you sometimes.”
“So that explains why Julian punched him, then,” Elena says before her nose wrinkles. “Or maybe it doesn’t. What else happened out there, because I still don’t get it.”
