“You know that’s my sister, right?”
“Andrew, let me explain—”
“Explainwhat, exactly?” he bursts. “Why you were just pawing at my sister at my goddamned birthday party? You don’t think we deserve more respect than this? She’s here with someone else!”
Oh, so now he wants to play the part of the protective sibling? As if I didn’t need his understanding when I came out, his support when I struggled to find a future I wanted, his empathy when I started dating again. Julian’s the last person I need protection from. Instead, I need protection from the brother who’s proved time and again that he couldn’t care less about what happens to me. Not unless I get to be his punch line.
“Andrew, stop.” I step forward, blocking him from Julian as if it’s any use. I can’t protect him from my brother. I can’t even protectmyselffrom him. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not that big a deal.”Lies, lies, lies.But Andrew can’t be trusted with the truth. He’s proved that ten times over. It’s why the only thing I can think to do is diminish my relationship with Julian, no matter how wrong it feels as the words come out of me.
“I’m not talking to you right now.”
“Oh, this is suchbullshit.” I stomp my foot like a petulant child. Like the angry toddler that being around him too long reduces me to. “You don’t get to act like you care about me, Andrew. Not when you’ve spent our entire childhood and adulthood proving otherwise.”
His face is all outrage. “That’s not true.”
“Itistrue, Andrew. There’s a reason why we’re not close. If we weren’t family, we’d have no reason to be in each other’s lives. As itis, I’m not convinced that’s reason enough either.” His face caves in, but I can’t care that I’ve hurt him. Not when he’s hurt me a million times over in a million little ways. “Every time I try to confide in you, you talk over me or flat out don’t listen. And then you use it as ammunition later, in front of our friends and family. Nothing is sacred to you. And this—” I point between me and Julian. “Whatever you think this is has nothing to do with you. Just like you ‘protecting me’ now has nothing to do withme. This is about you and your massive ego. Nothing new there.”
“Oh, you wanna talk aboutmyego?” he scoffs. “What the hell is wrong with you? Nathaniel’s in there like a lost puppy, and meanwhile you’re out here with my best friend.”
Right for the jugular.
Shame heats my skin at the thought of Nathaniel somewhere inside, surrounded by people he doesn’t know, wondering where I went. My brother’s right, as much as I hate him for it. No matter how confused I’ve been lately about my feelings for Julian, there’s no excuse for my actions. This is something I never in a million years thought I’d do.
“This isn’t her fault.” Julian makes to step in front of me but I block him, grimacing slightly when my hip knocks into the table. His hands fall to my shoulders, gripping them in support. “Don’t be mad at her. Be mad at me.”
“No fucking worries there.” Andrew glares at him. “I am.”
“You have no reason to be mad at anyone.” I cross my arms over my chest. “This has nothing to do with you. Go back inside.”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do, and you certainly don’t have the right to tell me my anger isn’t warranted.” He raises his voice at me. “You’re a lot of things, Leti, but I never had you pegged for a—”
“You don’t want to finish that sentence, Andrew.” Julian moves in front of me, the same way I did earlier to block him from mybrother. I’d be more annoyed if his tone wasn’t so low and menacing. “You’re not gonna like what happens if you do.”
He stares the other man down, and it’s like I don’t even recognize Julian anymore. A dark cloud passes over his expression. You’d think my brother insinuatedhewas the whore.
“This is a little sad, even for you, you know that?” Andrew ignores him, looking over Julian’s shoulder at me. “I mean, come on, Leti. We all know you don’t have your life together, but this is a new low. Making out with a stranger while your boyfriend’s inside looking everywhere for you?” He shakes his head. “It’s pathetic. Even for you, Leti. It’s fucking pathetic.”
Fucking pathetic.
Most days, my brother’s insults don’t faze me. I’ve had to learn to let them roll off my back. Grow a thicker skin. Anything so the barb doesn’t stick. Why bother fighting the role of family disappointment if it’s what everyone believes? Never mind that by all accounts, I’ve pulled myself out of the rut I was in two years ago. I moved out of my parents’ house. I have a full-time job and a fun side gig that pays surprisingly—if inconsistently—well, and I’m back in the dating game. But compared to my siblings, I’m eons from where I should be, so what does any of that matter?
My vision blurs, andgoddammit. The tears come hot and fast, and no amount of furious blinking can keep them away. Julian’s voice is gentle, meant to calm me down as his hands tilt my face up to look at him, but I don’t make out a word of what he’s saying. The panic in his widened eyes doesn’t match his soothing tone, and it freezes me in place. I’ve never seen him so worried. It pierces my heart more than my brother’s words ever could.
When I can’t bear to look at him any longer, I pry his hands from my cheeks and take one huge step back from him. Then another as I catch my brother’s curious gaze on his. There’s confusion in hisfurrowed brow and the way he glances back and forth at us before his eyes light up in realization. For as much as my brother loves to talk out of his ass, he’s one of the few people who knows me better than anyone. He knows I’d never make out with someone I just met, not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just notme.
Which means he’s figured out that Julian and I know each other.
Before either of them can say another word, I do the only rational thing I can think to do—I turn on my heel and run.
28
Julian
As soon as Leti disappears inside, I round on her brother. He doesn’t so much as flinch or step back. And why would he? He’s my best friend. We’ve never laid hands on each other. We’ve never once fought or argued to this degree before. But he’s also never seen this side of me—the part that is my father’s son. Quick to rage, and quicker to physical blows.
“Look, man—”
My arm is already swinging before those two words are out. The first punch lands square on the mouth, but that’s as far as I get before white-hot pain erupts across my knuckles. I have to grit my teeth to keep myself from crying out in pain. It’s quite the antithesis to the message I’m trying to get across with my fist, isn’t it? But I’m in too deep to possibly regret my actions. Not when Leti is in tears because of him.
