“Oh, we met while setting up for the party,” he says. “I’m Julian. Andrew’s best friend and roommate.”
There’s a weird, awkward tension surrounding us. I can’t quite pinpoint if it’s coming from me or Julian, but when I notice Nathaniel hovering over us, a free hand in the pocket of his jeans, eyes surveying us and the people around, I realize what I should’ve as soon as he returned with drinks.
“Oh my god.Move.” I shove at Julian’s shoulder, inching him away from me. As it is, he barely budges. “You’re in his seat.”
“Sorry, Nathaniel. She’s all…yours.” Julian rises from the couch, gestures to the space beside me like he’s offering the other man a gift. I glance up at him, wondering what that catch in his voice was, but nothing in his face gives him away. He makes to turn his back on us, but stops himself and meets my eyes, his glittering with mirth. “Lovely to meet you again, Leti.”
“He seems…” Nathaniel pauses and then seems to think better of saying what he thinks of Julian out loud. “Are you sure the beer is fine? They had other drinks.”
“Actually, I do want something else,” I admit. “I’m gonna see what they have in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.”
I find Julian’s stash of hard cider in the fridge. I’m searching drawers for a bottle opener when the sound of familiar voices comes up behind me. Julian and my brother. If his red cheeks and the sweat sticking his hair to his face are any indication, Andrew is drunk.
“Leti, come here.”
I don’t particularly want to when he’s this sloshed. I can smell the booze on him from a foot away.
“I’m sorry. You know I was joking. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“That’s what you say every time.” I find the bottle opener and pop the cap. “Forgive me if I’m a little sick of your apologies.”
“Okay, fine. I embarrassed you,” my brother says, a little louderthan I’m comfortable with. “Would it help if I embarrassed my friend here in return?”
His arm wraps around Julian’s tense shoulders. I meet his wary eyes and raise a curious brow before turning back to my brother. “I’m listening.”
“She doesn’t need to hear—”
“No, no, let him finish,” I say. “It’s the least he can do, right?”
I shoot him a smug grin, wondering what sort of dirt my brother has on him, but it freezes when the light dies from Julian’s eyes. There’s something vulnerable in his expression, and he can’t quite meet my eyes. He fidgets beneath Andrew’s arm, eyes darting across the room as if searching for a way out of whatever is about to happen.
“So my man here”—Andrew points to Julian’s face, as if I could possibly think he was talking about anyone else—“is in love.”
In…what?
“We’re talking ‘she could be the one’ love, his words, not mine,” he goes on. “But he’s gotten so far deep into the friend zone, there’s no pulling him out.” My brother laughs. “So don’t worry, Leti, you’re not the only unlucky one in love around here.”
“Right.” I glance between them. Julian is staring determinedly down at his shoes. My brother is oblivious, which is nothing new. That’s always been the problem. “Because falling in love with someone you can’t have is so embarrassing.”
I’ll never understand my brother’s brand of humor, how it only ever comes at the expense of others. I shove past them both, eyes scanning the living room for my date.
He’s in love with someone.
How the hell did I not know this? Why didn’t he tell me? Am I that self-obsessed that I never bothered to ask him what was going on in his love life because I was too concerned with my own?
Maybe there’s some truth to that, but I’ve made efforts to crackpast his defenses. His are thicker than mine. He knows how to evade my every move, turn the conversation back around to me. He’s broken every one of my walls, but his are impenetrable. He knows me better than I know him, and he likes it that way.
There’s nothing about this revelation that should sting. He’s free to love whoever he loves. The considerate thing would be to offer my assistance, help him get whoever this mystery person is to want him back. Return the favor. It’s only fair, right? Then why do I feel sick to my stomach at the thought?
I stop short two feet from Nathaniel, who’s sitting between two women I don’t recognize. They must be Andrew’s friends from college. He laughs at something the blond one says. Her hand is resting on his knee, and the thought that he could be having more fun with two women he met minutes ago than with me is the final straw.
I didn’t even want to come to my brother’s stupid party. I only came out of family obligation. Maybe that makes me a terrible sister like Elena implied, but if I am, it’s only because Andrew was a shitty brother first. We’re so stuck in this pattern of hurting each other, we don’t know what a healthy sibling relationship looks like. Not with each other. Maybe we never will.
I bypass the living room and head to the back door and then plop myself down onto a patio chair. There’s a cool breeze on the night air, cooling my overheated skin and making me feel more human. Suddenly, I wish more than ever that Bella hadn’t stayed home to babysit the kids. I pull out my phone.
Me:Party blows. How goes it with the tiny humans?
Bella:I put them to bed twenty minutes ago.
