“Me too,” I tell her. “But the relationship didn’t survive. In hindsight, I should’ve known what I was walking him into, but I didn’t know it’d turn out to be such a mess. I figured if my mom was okay with it, my dad and the rest of my family eventually would be too.”
“But I’m guessing that wasn’t the case?”
“God no.” I shake my head. “Ryan couldn’t handle it, not that I blame him. Watching my dad punch my uncle in the face for defending me would’ve been too much for me too.”
“Whoa.” Her brows crease with concern. “Your dad really did that?”
“Well, he tried,” I say. “One thing about Angela’s dad, he’s quick to shut that kind of shit down before it gets too far. He’s scarier than my dad that way.”
“You haven’t dated anyone since?”
“No.” I heave a long sigh that deflates my chest. “Well, aside from you.”
A low moan leaves her lips as my hands migrate down her back and settle on her waist. I scan her face for any sign of discomfort and find the opposite. Her eyes darken as she shifts closer, until we’re chest to chest.
“What about this?” I ask, rubbing her hips. “Still feel good, or are we heading down untoward territory?”
“Both, maybe?” Her face twists as two hands grasp fistfuls of my shirt. “But definitely still good, which is confusing.”
She turns her face away from me, and I start to grow concerned. Maybe I took things further than I should have with her. “Is something wrong? Do you want me to stop?”
“I…I don’t know.” She stumbles away from me suddenly, and when I rise after her, she holds up a hand. “Give me a second.”
“Okay.” My heart is racing for a totally different reason now. “Leticia, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” I trail off, cursing beneath my breath.
I blew it.Again.As crushing a realization as that is, it’s one I have to deal with. I’m expecting her to run out the door, or for the next words out of her mouth to be an admonishment for taking advantage of her. Instead, I’m caught off guard entirely when she turns around, looks me in the eye, and says—
“Julian, I want you to kiss me.”
22
Leti
Did those words actually come out of my mouth?
Yes. Yes, they did. And despite the heat creeping up my neck, I don’t regret voicing them. Even though Julian has been silently staring at me with his mouth wide open for an entire minute. I can’t say exactly what possessed me to ask Julian to kiss me. If I was caught up in the heat of the moment from one touch that quickly spiraled into so much more, it’d be easy to wave off the suggestion and spare us both the humiliation of staring at each other like two idiots as Julian’s mind works overtime for an answer. Is he thinking of a way to let me down easy, or have I really stunned him that badly?
“Say something.”
“Leti, are you sure?” He steps closer, eyes scanning my face for any sign of indecision. “I mean, a second ago I thought I’d pushed too far.”
“You didn’t.” I shake my head. “It’s true you scared me a little, but you didn’t push too far. I just didn’t expect to feel so much all at once.”
“And how do you feel, exactly?”
I shut my eyes like I can shut out his question, because I don’teven know where to begin to answer. I already knew I was sexually attracted to him, but the feeling was easier to ignore when I’d written him off. I’m not sure when that changed, or when this feeling became impossible to ignore any longer. His hands fall on my shoulders, squeezing gently. We’re a mere inch apart, his face hovering over mine. One hand comes to rest at the nape of my neck, his thumb grazing my jaw the same way I touched him earlier. My breath catches.
“Is this okay?” His voice is in my ear, his breath warming the sensitive shell. I can only give a small nod, because I’ve suddenly forgotten how to breathe. “I’m here, Leticia. You don’t have to answer the question right now. I’m here. For whatever you need me for.”
When I’m able to suck in enough oxygen, I close the space between us until our noses graze. I barely know what’s supposed to come next, but it’s never felt like this before. Like I’m standing on a tightrope, body tense, unsure how to move forward for fear of falling fifty feet onto the concrete below me.
“Relax.” His hand moves up to my hair, massaging my scalp. I could collapse from how good his fingers feel moving against the base of my skull. The tension leaves my body and I deflate into him. “I’ve got you.”
My eyes move to his lips, as if realizing how close our faces are. His hands drop back down to his sides as he waits for me to decide what I want. All I have to do is touch my lips to his and let him do the rest.
Kissing to explore.
Maybe I’ll hate it. Maybe it’ll be spectacular. Maybe I won’t want to do anything else for the rest of my life. I’m not sure which one scares me more.
