‘No.’ Lex took Jonah’s place beside me, crossing their arms across their chest. They were shaking, but their voice was firm. ‘I asked Dad a question.’
‘It’s all – just so complicated, Lex,’ Matt said. ‘It’s not that I don’t love you and your sisters. I do. And I love your mother too.’
I managed to repress my snort, but Lex didn’t. ‘Oh, sure. You definitely loved your backup family so, so much.’
‘Fi, didn’t they work through this in therapy?’
That nearly sent me into space. ‘Don’t youdaresuggest that there’s anything wrong with them.’
‘That’s what he thinks, though!’ Lex jabbed their finger at Matt. ‘That there’s something wrong with me!’
‘Of course I don’t,’ Matt said. ‘That didn’t come out right. What I meant—’
But Lex was already barrelling onward. ‘You were so ashamed when I told you who I was.’ Their voice cracked. ‘You said it wasjust a phase. That I’d grow out of it. You must have been so relieved that I wasn’t one of yourrealkids!’
‘Lex, no!’ Matt and I exclaimed – for once, in perfect unison.
Tears started spilling down Lex’s face. ‘So you can fuck right off, Dad. I don’t need anything from you! Ever!’
‘Buddy, I’m so sorry.’ Matt looked at me desperately. ‘I know I said some misguided things when you came out. I’ll never be able to make that up to you. But I’m going to do better, I swear, and—’
‘No! I never want to see you again!’
‘Matt,’ I said, ‘you need to go. Now.’
‘But—’
‘Now.’
He fled.
‘Lex,’ I said, ‘sweetheart, can I—’
They threw their arms around my neck. ‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ they sobbed into my shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry.’
I held them tight, one hand stroking their hair, the way I used to when they were little. I should be crying too – I cried at the drop of a hat these days – but the only thing left in me was fire. I was a creature made of flame now, a thing of nightmares that would torch anything that dared hurt her precious babies.
‘You have nothing to apologise for.’ I pressed my lips to their temple. ‘You’ve done nothing wrong, all right?Nothing.’
‘It’s my fault.’ They gulped down choked breaths of air. ‘It’s all my fault.’
‘You listen to me, Lex.’
I pulled back, cupping their tear-streaked face in my hands so I could look them in the eyes. ‘None of this is your fault. Your father has behaved horribly. I can’t pretend to know or understand why he’s done the things he has, but I know this: none of it is because of you.’
Their chin quivered as they tried to hold back a fresh wave of tears.
I stroked their cheekbones with my thumbs. ‘Have you been carrying this all this time?’
‘Dr Dell ss-ss-said it wasn’t m-m-my fault.’ Their teeth were chattering. ‘B-b-b-but what else could it be? Nn-nn-nothing’s wrong with you, or the t-t-twins, or—’
‘Nothing’s wrong with you either.’ I kept my gaze as steady and my voice as firm as I could, even though a bushfire was roaring inside me. ‘I promise you, your dad knows that. I know he said some very,veryhurtful things when you first told us who you were, but he caught up eventually, remember?’
‘Th-that’s what I used to think. Th-th-that he was j-j-just old, and he didn’t – didn’t know m-m-much about b-b-being non-b-b-binary. But – but—’
But then he left. Then hefucking abandoned his children, and left my perfect, darling baby thinking they were to blame.
‘He left because ofhim, sweetheart,’ I said. ‘He left because of a lie he’d been telling for a long time, since before you were even born. It had nothing – nothing! – to do with you.’
