‘I promise, Fiona.’ I drew back, framing her face in my hands. ‘No matter what, I’m not going anywhere.’
She blinked, once, twice. Tears were beading on her lashes.
I thumbed them away. ‘Here’s an idea,’ I said. ‘You can say no. No pressure, all right? But – what if we go slow?’
‘What do you mean?’ There was a quaver in her voice.
‘You’re not the only one who got carried away. I should have known you weren’t ready for some of the things we did.’
‘Satoshi, please don’t blame yourself for me freaking out. That was all my bullshit, and—’
I put my finger against her lips before she could launch into one of her spiralling monologues. ‘But we don’t have to jump back into the deep end,’ I told her. ‘We could go slow. As slow as you like, so you feel safe and in control.’
I took Fiona’s hand in my free one. ‘We could hold hands,’ I said. ‘We could cuddle. We could—’ I let my fingertip gently strum her lower lip ‘—kiss.’
‘Like – sort of like high school?’ Her breath was coming shallowly. ‘Like when you’re young – before you’re ready to have sex – those kinds of things?’
‘Just like high school. You can help me with my homework, and then—’ I raised her hand to my lips ‘—we can make out.’
She made a sound that I thought was halfway to a chuckle.
Then, though, she swallowed. ‘What would you get out of it, though?’ she asked. ‘You’re young and hot and brilliant, Satoshi. You could have sex on tap every night of the week, with anyone you wanted. I know – I’ve seen – I know you have this… other side,underneath all this.’ She slid a finger under my waistcoat, sending blood somehow rushing both to and away from my head. ‘Why would you want the world’s most G-rated friends-with-benefits situation?’
For a moment, I thought about just saying it. About letting the secret that had been sitting heavy in my heart for the past year out in the open.I’m in love with you, Fiona. I would agree to anything if it meant I got to be with you.
But because I loved her, I had to listen to her. She needed to find her feet again. Me confessing the full force of my love wouldn’t be helping her to them – it would be kicking them out from under her. She needed me to be exactly who she’d always thought I was.
‘Because I like you,’ I said instead.
There was a long silence.
‘And,’ I added, desperate to fill it before she did with the wordno, ‘honestly, I think foreplay’s wildly underrated.’
She made a noise in the back of her throat and shook her head, and every organ in my body turned to stone. I’d taken the shot, and I’d missed.
But then Fiona Fisher put a hand on my shoulder, went up on her tiptoes, and cautiously, tentatively, brushed her lips against mine.
‘Is it okay if we don’t tell anyone?’ she asked. ‘If it’s just… us?’
I kissed her back, feather-light, shoving the dark, hungry part of me that wanted to push her back into the bookshelves and devour her and tattoo her name on my forehead deep, deep down. ‘Of course it is,’ I told her. ‘No pressure. Just us.’
NOVEMBER
Chapter SevenFiona
Tasting today: 2022 chardonnay, Tasmania, Australia.
Chardonnay is the winemaker’s grape. Good grapes make good chardonnay, but great chardonnay becomes great because someone has carefully, patiently, lovingly worked out what those grapes need.
From: [email protected]
Subject: wine piece
Attached: questions.docx
Hi Satoshi,
