Fingers shaking, she unbuttoned my coat.Thank you, Satoshi, she said, handing it back to me.I’m so sorry to have dumped all this on you.
You don’t need to apologise.I clenched my fingers tight in the coat’s malbec-red fabric, resisting the urge to wrap it back aroundher, throw her over my shoulder, and carry her away.Anything you need – anything at all – I’m here. Always.
She nodded.
I’ll see you soon, okay?It probably wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t resist taking her hand and squeezing her fingers.
She squeezed back.Soon.
Then she let go, and I didn’t see her for four months.
When she’d finally come back to Tsundoku again in February, she’d had a pretty red-headed woman – her new sister-in-law Sadie, I would find out – in tow.I’m sorry it’s been so long, Fiona had said, voice muffled in my shirt as I hugged her, lifting her off her feet.It’s just been impossible to get away, with the kids and everything.
Not to worry.I’d allowed myself to stroke her hair just once before I set her back down.You’re here now.
In the months since I’d seen her, I’d tried so hard to talk myself into believing that what I’d felt that night last October had been an anomaly. But the second Fiona walked through my door again, all the lies I’d been telling myself had gone out the window, because I felt it again: the pop of the cork, the hard knot of pressure released, the swift spread of relief.
After that, she didn’t come into Tsundoku as frequently as she used to, but she was in and out often enough to still be considered a regular. Mostly, she came in with Lex during cafe hours so they could pick out some books. Sometimes it was with Sadie or Jonah (also now regulars), while the other watched the kids. Once, before she’d fired him and replaced him with a better one, she’d come in with her divorce lawyer, a conversation that had left her so despondent I’d made her take home an entire case of free wine.
This was the first time, though, since Matt had left, that Fiona had come into Tsundoku by herself.
The bar was starting to fill up for dinner service, so I could only watch her out of the corner of my eye as I worked. She wassipping her glass of arneis slowly, one elbow leaning on the bar, hand wrapped around the nape of her neck, the cowl neckline of her dress pulled slightly to one side. The expression on her face was weary, but not in a bad way, not like the pure exhaustion that was written all over it far too frequently. Rather, she looked like someone who’d run a marathon and was finally getting to sit down: not quite relaxed, and not quite rejuvenated, but reprieved.
‘You’re really nursing that,’ I said, gesturing at her half-full glass once things started to quiet down. ‘I can pour you something else, if you’re not vibing the rascal anymore.’
‘Don’t you dare.’ Fiona pulled the glass towards her. ‘I love the rascal. I’m savouring it, that’s all.’
‘Can I top you up, then? Or do you need to get home to the kids?’
‘No kids tonight.’ She nudged her glass towards me so I could refill it. ‘They stay with Jonah and Sadie on Thursdays. Look.’
She showed me a photo on her phone. Her daughters were snuggled up on either side of Jonah on the couch, listening to him rapturously. They were wearing fairy wings, while he was wearing a unicorn headband. ‘Sadie says he’s trying to get them started onA Midsummer Night’s Dreamearly, and that was the closest thing they could rustle up to a donkey’s head.’
‘I see Lex is super engaged.’ Lex was curled up in an armchair on the edge of frame, absorbed in a book, ignoring everyone.
Fiona chuckled. ‘I bribed them this morning with the promise of coming in next week to browse the bookshelves, so…’
‘I’ll lay out some Lex-bait. What’s the bribe for?’
‘There was a mediation meeting today. Me. Matt. The lawyers. Lex wanted to come.’
She traced circles on the bar. ‘I said no, obviously. But then Matt turned up with Laura – who’s pregnant, by the way, with twins, because my girls just aren’t good enough, I guess, and…’
She stopped, swallowing convulsively. Tears were starting to slip down her face.
‘Oh, Fiona,’ I said softly. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘No, I’m sorry.’ She sniffed. ‘I didn’t mean to come in here and ruin the vibe by crying. It’s just… today was so fuckingmuch.’
She scrubbed at her eyes with a serviette. ‘Oh god, all my makeup’s coming off. What kind of idiot doesn’t wear waterproof mascara on a day like today?’
‘Satoshi, why don’t you take Fiona out the back?’ Charlotte, one of my bar staff, materialised at my side. ‘It’s quiet now. The dinner rush has passed. I can handle everything out here.’
‘Oh, you don’t need to do that!’ Fiona was off her barstool in an instant. ‘I didn’t come in here to distract you – you’ve got a job to do! – and—’
‘Don’t even worry about it,’ Charlotte said. ‘You did the same for Birdie last year, right? We owe you one.’
Just for a second, Fiona wavered.
