Satoshi grinned. ‘I sure did, pal. All that study you and your mum helped me with really paid off.’
We’d spent many nights studying together: at his place if it was a Thursday, at mine if it wasn’t. Lex and I had both been drilling flashcards with him, from which Lex had retained a frightening amount of information –they’ll be able to pass the MS before they ever take their first sip of wine at this rate,Satoshi had murmured, late on one of the first nights he’d stayed over,god, they’re smart, my love– and it had paid off. He’d emerged from his one-hour oral examination yesterday with a huge smile on his face.
‘And how about you, Mum?’ Lex asked.
‘I passed too.’ I picked up my shiny new Certified Sommelier pin from the bedside table and showed it to them. ‘And I got to interview some really cool French winemakers for my next article.’
My column had proved to be a hit.I had no idea you could write like this, Fi,Jonah had told me, after I’d finally got up the nerve to put my Bibliophile piece in our siblings group chat.You’ve got a real talent.
I might have believed he was humouring me – Fisher family trauma ran deep – but the numbers didn’t lie. I was now officially on staff for the website, and I’d been approached by some other wine magazines to write for them too. While they didn’t pay much, my trip to France had been partially subsidised by one of them: Satoshi and I were heading off to Jura tomorrow so I could profile some emerging cult vineyards.
My new qualification – the next step up from the introductory course I’d done last year – hadn’t been subsidised, but when I’d decided to do it, Mum had helped me out, paying for half of it.Having you around to answer all my questions is great, and I’ve learnt so much from helping you study, but I need to improve my baseline knowledge if I’mreallygoing to be a wine writer,I’d told Satoshi.Plus, it’ll mean I can help you out in the bar sometimes.
That was what we were going to do when we got home. Satoshi had a very capable junior somm in Theo – and Charlotte, after some hesitation, had decided to study for her Certified exam too – but he was going to start training me as well so he had extra cover if he needed it in a pinch.You can’t give me any special treatment,I’d warned him, as we lay together in bed.If I do things wrong, you have to tell me.
I’ll tell you, don’t worry.He nuzzled my hair, fingers snaking up my inner thigh.I’ll save the special treatment for right… here.
Once we’d finished talking to the kids and they’d run off to play with the puppy, Jonah and Sadie sat down in front of the laptop. ‘So,’ Jonah said, ‘we have something we need to tell you.’
A hundred different awful scenarios unspooled immediately in my mind. ‘Is everyone okay? Is it Elias, or Mum, or—’
‘Nothing like that!’ Jonah held up his hands. ‘The opposite, actually.’
He and Sadie looked at each other, and, like it always did when his attention was focused solely on his wife, something in my brother softened. ‘We’re having a baby.’
‘Oh my god, Jonah!’ I wanted to leap to my feet, to hug them both, but given we were on the other side of the world, all I could do was press my hands to my heart. ‘Congratulations!’
‘It’s early days,’ Sadie said. ‘I only just hit twelve weeks. You’re actually the first people we’ve told.’
‘Congratulations,’ Satoshi said. ‘I’ll revise all the non-alco options we have at Tsundoku the second I get back – make sure we’ve got the very best for you while you can’t drink.’
‘Thanks, Satoshi,’ Sadie replied. ‘And – Fiona, do you mind if you and I have a quick chat on our own? I have a few questions about… you know, mum stuff.’
‘Sure.’
Jonah kissed Sadie’s cheek, waved goodbye, then disappeared off screen. ‘I’ll go sit in the cafe downstairs,’ Satoshi told me. ‘Meet me there when you’re finished?’
I nodded. ‘See you soon.’
When the door had snicked shut behind him, I turned back to the laptop. ‘Okay, hit me,’ I said. ‘What do you need to know?’
‘Fiona, I’m terrified,’ Sadie said. ‘Terrified.Jonah and I have talked about having kids, but, like, at some point in the future, not now. But then this justhappened, and… I’m happy, of course I’m happy, but I’m so unbelievably shit-scared.’
She let out a long, shaking breath. ‘I have no idea how to be a mother. Mine died when I was a teenager, and it wasn’t like she was doing much parenting before that. And sure, Jonah and I look after your kids a lot, but they’re – you know, people. I’ve never been around babies. What the fuck do I know about looking after one?’
‘Sadie, it’s going to be okay. I promise.’
I shifted position on the bed, crossing my legs underneath me. ‘I know it’s scary. I remember when I got pregnant with Lex – I felt exactly the same. But it’s going to be okay. Jonah will be there with you every step of the way.’
‘I know he will. But… I can talk to him about being scared, and he’ll do his best, but he can’t reallyunderstandit. Like, the visceral reality of it. There’s this – thing – growing inside me, and most of me is excited about it, but – what’s it going to do to me? What if it rips my body apart and I never really heal properly? And what am I going to do to it? What if I do the wrong thing or eat the wrong thing and I fuck it up before it’s even born? Not to mention all the ways I could fuck it up after it’s born – god, there are so many of those.’
‘The fear’s natural. I’m afraid for my kids every single second. It’s terrifying, having your heart live outside of you like that. I’m not going to tell you not to be scared.’
Sadie’s throat bobbed on the screen as she swallowed, eyes closing.
‘But you’re not alone,’ I said. ‘You’ve got Jonah, and you’ve got Chess, and you’ve got a whole family around you that are going to love this baby so much and give you more help than you could ever possibly want. And – look at me.’
She obeyed, her face pale.
