The line of his jaw tightened.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I – um – thank you.’
He poured his own cup, turned away, and didn’t say anything.
‘For last night, I mean,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Do you know how scared I was?’
He hadn’t turned back around. I could only see him in profile, the severe lines of him silhouetted by the window. ‘I thought you’d had a heart attack. I thought I was going to have to watch you die.’
‘I’m fine, though.’
‘No, you’re not.’
He was right. I might not have had a heart attack, but it felt like I had gone through open heart surgery anyway; like Fiona had cut me open and ripped something essential out of me.
‘We have to talk, Sato. And you have to listen this time. Because I can’t – I can’t—’
‘Isamu,’ I said softly, as a tear tracked down my iron brother’s cheek.
‘Don’t make me watch.’ He looked at me at last. ‘I can’t do it again. Okasan can’t do it again. We already lost Otosan. We can’t lose you too.’
I sighed. It wasn’t exasperation this time, but resignation, surrender. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Nothing.’ He thumbed the tear away. ‘I want you to do nothing. Just rest.’
‘What about the bar?’
‘I’ll worry about the bar.’ He sat back down in the armchair, cradling his teacup between his palms. Yquem mewed, looking at him longingly, but – perhaps recognising how badly I needed her – stayed where she was. ‘At least for the next little while.’
‘But you’ve got your own job to do. And vintage’ll start any minute now.’
‘I’ll bring in help if I need it.’ He exhaled. ‘I called Noriko. She’s agreed to cover shifts at Tsundoku if I’m stuck in the winery.’
I blinked. ‘Isamu—’
‘We won’t have to see each other.’ The way he looked at me was almost apologetic. ‘But she said to tell you that she’s happy to help cover until you find a new junior somm.’
He sipped his tea. ‘Speaking of,’ he went on, his tone more businesslike, ‘I’m going to take over your search.’
‘No.’
‘Yes.’
‘No.They’ll be working for me, not you. Besides, that’s the one bit of my job I can do from here.’ I tapped my hand against the bedspread.
It took him a long moment before he gave in. ‘Fine. But if this one is anywhere near as unreliable as Birdie, you’re going to fire them – or Iwilldo it for you.’
‘Isamu, you know this is the shit I hate, right?’
‘What?’
‘You steamrolling over the top of me. Like you don’t trust me.’ I sighed again. ‘I know I don’t have a leg to stand on when I’m in this bed, but I know how to do my job. I’m really fucking good at it, actually. But whenever you do shit like this – whenever you sail into the bar because you’ve got some “meeting”—’ I put scare quotes around it with my fingers ‘—you make me feel like a child who needs constant supervision. And then I have to try even harder to prove myself to you, and—’
‘The meetings are real, Sato!’
I rolled my eyes.
