‘Good. How are you?’
‘You look tired.’
‘I was up late. Sadie’s hens’ party was last night.’
‘Still.’ She made a tutting sound. ‘I worry about you. That you’re not looking after yourself.’
‘I’m actually doing a lot better.’ I shepherded her towards the kitchen, where the coffee was. ‘I didn’t realise what a big milestone being formally divorced would be. Financially, of course – the child support has made a huge difference.’ The first thing I’d done that morning was check my bank account to make sure Matt’s February child support payment had landed. ‘But emotionally too. I feel… lighter.’
There was no chance in hell I was going to tell her why, but it was true. My problems hadn’t disappeared, but it was amazing how much easier they were to bear.
Because for the last month, Satoshi had been perfect. There was no other word for it. He had been absolutelyperfect.
He’d walked me home after that first, mostly sleepless night we’d spent together, fingers laced through mine. The sun was just coming up, the sky pink and silver and pale gold, catching in the ashy blond ends of his hair. He’d looked like some otherworldly creature, an elfin fantasy of a man who might dissolve into a sunbeam at any moment.
When he’d kissed me goodbye, long and lingering, and left me alone in my empty house, part of me wondered if I had imagined it. If it hadn’t been for the ache between my thighs, I might have believed I had. Surely this was too good to be true.
But it had been over a month now, and instead Satoshi was just… there. Always.
And while the adult part of my brain was trying to take it slow, the part of me that could never help getting carried away felt like she was deep into a bottle of wine, unable to resist pouring another glass, and another, and another.
‘Well, I’m gladyou’refeeling lighter,’ my dad grumbled, dragging me back to reality. He’d made himself at home, putting two pieces of bread in the toaster and leaving a trail of crumbs on the counter. ‘Because my wallet certainly has been.’
‘I’m so grateful for your help, Dad.’ I grabbed a cloth so I could clean up after him. ‘I’ll never be able to thank you enough.’
He had his head in the fridge. ‘Do you have any marmalade?’
‘No. There’s honey, though. Or jam.’
He made a noise of disapproval, which I chose to ignore. ‘I’m going to do my best to repay you,’ I said. ‘It’ll take me a while – a long while, probably – but I’m going to.’
‘With what?’ Another noise of disapproval. ‘The child support that chump is finally paying you? Or those silly little copywriting jobs you do?’
‘Christian,’ my mother said, in a tone which could be read as admonishing if you squinted.
I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth. The first payment for my wine column had also arrived in my bank account that morning, and even though it wasn’t much, I’d carefully quarantined a portion of it in my new PAY BACK DAD fund. ‘I’ll figure it out.’
Dad snorted. ‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Fiona.’
‘We don’t expect anything like that from you,’ Mum said, patting my hand.
Ironically, even though her tone was gentler, it hurt more. My pompous professor father being dismissive of my abilities was to be expected. My fellow university dropout mother, though… that one stung.
‘How about I make you both a coffee,’ I suggested, ‘and you can tell me what’s going on with you?’
Somewhat ironically, given all the baggage my upbringing had left me with, my dad was one of the most reliable people in my life.I could always count on him for money, to make me feel shit about myself, and to carry a conversation. He was midway through a rant about some new lecturer named Rory they’d hired at his university who wasn’t measuring up when Jonah dropped the kids home. ‘Grandma!’ the girls shrieked, throwing themselves at my mother.
‘Hello, my darlings!’ Mum peppered their faces with kisses. ‘It’s so lovely to see you.’
‘Hi, Grandma,’ Lex said. ‘Hi, Grandpa.’
They held out their knuckles for my dad to bump. He patted them. ‘Hello, Lex.’
‘Mum, Dad, I didn’t realise you’d be here.’ Jonah ran his hand through his hair. Belatedly, I realised I should have texted him to warn him. ‘Nice to see you.’
‘Nice to see you too, Jonah.’ My mother – still entangled in the girls, who were excitedly telling her about their flower girl dresses – blew him a kiss.
‘Is that wife of yours with you?’ Dad peered disapprovingly around him, as if Jonah had Sadie concealed behind his back.
