‘Sweetheart—’
‘I mean it. You’re so nice to people, all the time. Don’t be nice to him. He doesn’t deserve it.’
They were completely right, but it wasn’t the kind of thing I could say aloud, not with the prying eyes of a thousand school parents nearby. ‘Tell you what,’ I said instead. ‘How about next Tuesday, when the girls have indoor soccer training, you and I go and have a hot chocolate at Tsundoku? I bet Satoshi has some new books for you.’
Lex gave me a withering look. ‘Cool bribe, Mum.’
‘Is that a no, or…?’
They sighed, exasperated in the way only a pre-teen could be. ‘Obviously not.’
I grinned, then pecked them on the cheek. ‘Have a good day, okay? And don’t let the girls terrorise Uncle Jonah and Auntie Sadie too badly.’
‘I’ll try,’ Lex said long-sufferingly, ‘but I don’t have magic powers.’
I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth again as I watched them walk through the school gates. I’d fucked up so many things in my life, but somehow, in the midst of it, I’d produced three perfect children.
And Matt had walked away from them.
I dug my keys into the meaty part of my palm as I headed back towards the car. I had to face him today – in person for the firsttime in a year, instead of over Zoom – and I was going to have to find a way to keep calm and behave like an adult and not just screamhow could you?!and leap across the table to scratch his eyes out.
‘Fiona!’
Fuck.
‘Michelle!’ I pasted a smile onto my face. ‘How are you?’
Once upon a time, Michelle had been – if not a friend, then a friendly acquaintance. Her son Henry was in the same year as Lex, and we’d volunteered together in the school library every second Friday. We were in the same parent WhatsApp groups and we’d bonded over our shared dislike of some of the sleazier dads.
But then Matt had left.
I couldn’t volunteer anymore, needing every spare second of every day to either work or look after the kids. I’d tried to keep the more salacious details of Matt leaving out of circulation, but Hobart was small. Once it was out, it wasout– and the humiliation began.
‘I’m doing well,’ Michelle said. ‘How are you, honey? That dress looks great on you.’
I submitted to her hug, which came complete with a patronising rub of her hand up and down my back. I’d learnt the hard way that the quickest way out of these interactions was through. The trick was to be as boring as possible.
So instead ofThanks, I’m wearing it because I’m about to go to mediation with my almost-ex-husband,I just hugged her back and said, ‘I’m fine, thanks.’
Michelle pulled back, both hands on my shoulders. ‘You don’t need to put on a brave face for me. How are you really?’
I thought about sayinglateand making a dash for it, but thenOh no, poor Fiona’s run off her feet, she might be about to completely lose itwould go circulating through the WhatsApp groups. The last time that happened, a group of parents had organised a fundraiserfor me, and it had been the single most excruciating experience of my life.
‘Oh, you know,’ I said, mentally crossing my fingers and praying she hadn’t overheard any of my conversation with Lex. ‘It’s not easy, but I’m managing. My brother and his wife moved down in February for work, and they’ve been a huge help.’
‘You’re so brave.’
I resisted the urge to grit my teeth. ‘Just doing my best.’
Michelle leaned in closer, and I braced myself. ‘So, have you met her yet?’
I didn’t need to ask who she meant. ‘No,’ I replied, keeping my voice breezy and businesslike. ‘I don’t want to, to be honest.’
‘Oh god, Fiona, you’re a better person than me!’ Michelle rubbed my arm. I dug my keys harder into my palm. ‘If I were in your shoes, I’d be hunting her down like a stalker. So I could try and understand, you know?’
I might be the only one of my siblings without a PhD, but it didn’t take a genius to read the subtext.Tell me why Matt picked her and not you. What does she have that you don’t?
The moment that news of what Matt had done had started to spread, people had been hungry for the gory details. At one point, the questions – so polite, but so pointed – had been coming so thick and fast I’d considered just holding an Ask Me Anything in one of the WhatsApp chats.Her name is Laura. She’s eight years older than me. They’ve technically been together longer, but I’m the one he’s legally married to (which was surprisingly difficult to work out, save your follow-up questions until the end). They have two kids: Micah is twelve, and Nikki is five. I don’t know much about her otherwise, but considering I had no idea that whenever Matt went to Melbourne for work he was actually going to see them, I’m confident she’s probably smarter than me. What else do you want to know, you fucking ghouls?
