Your silence is breaking your sister’s heart. If you care about Sadie at all, you’ll stop hurting her like this. Just call her. Please.
Regards,
Jonah
‘You were sitting out there a long time,’ Fi said, when I finally went in to give the car keys back. ‘Everything okay?’
‘Fine, fine. Just’ – I waved my phone vaguely – ‘emails. So, Sadie and I had an idea.’
It took a while to sell her on the concept of the kids coming tostay for the night (‘Are you sure? All three of them? Are yousure? Do you maybe want to start with Lex and work your way up?’), but eventually Fiona agreed we could take them the following Thursday, after our teaching for the week was finished. ‘And to say thank you,’ she said, digging around in her fridge and then handing me a bottle of Bibliophile fumé blanc, ‘take this home to your lovely wife.’
‘You don’t need to do that, Fi.’
She waved me off. ‘Plenty more where that came from. Lex and I stopped by Tsundoku the other day so they could pick up some more books. Satoshi sent me home with a case.’
I accepted the wine-cooler bag she handed me. ‘They really love you there, hey.’
‘Well, I’ve spent a ton of money there over the years.’ She took a sip from her cup of tea. ‘But both the Tsukamotos are such lovely men. You know Satoshi was the first person I told, when Matt came clean about his other family? After he broke the news to me I had a sort of out-of-body experience. I must have walked straight out of the house, because the next thing I knew I was at Tsundoku and Satoshi was taking me out the back and sitting me down in his office and pouring me a glass of wine and listening to me spill my guts.’
My fingers tightened around the bag. ‘I’m so sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me, Fi.’
‘Oh, Jonah.’
Fiona hugged me. Hesitantly, careful not to hit her with the wine, I hugged her back.
‘That was as much my fault as it was yours,’ she said. ‘More, really.’
‘Come on, Fi. You know that’s not true.’
Fiona drew back and raised her eyebrows at me.
I sighed. ‘Sorry. That instinct to argue… it’s baked in pretty deep.’
‘Tell me about it.’ She made a sound that was halfway to a chuckle. ‘I liked to think I’d freed myself from all of Dad’s toxic programming, but… when Matt left, there it was. Pride, so much wounded pride – and this incredible bone-deep embarrassment about how wrong I’d been.’
‘I know it probably doesn’t mean much,’ I said, ‘but I hate that we were right. I hate what I said to you, that night you told us you were getting married. You always looked out for me, and when you needed someone to be on your side, I was such a nasty little shit to you. I’m so sorry.’
‘You’re here now, Jonah,’ Fiona said softly. ‘And that means the world to me.’
‘I missed you, all those years,’ I said. ‘And… I know I’ve never been good at saying this, but I love you.’
She smiled. ‘I love you too, baby bro.’
Then she shoved me playfully in the shoulder – thankfully, because if we kept walking down this very sincere path, one of us was going to cry and it was probably going to be me. ‘Though maybe don’t throw those words around too soon. See if you still love me after spending the night with my kids.’
My phone buzzed in my pocket as I started the short walk home, leaves crunching under my feet.I know this is your territory, but I tried to make dinner, Sadie had texted.Let’s just say it didn’t work? So… I hope you like toast.
You’re in luck,I sent back.I love toast.
Thank God. I was worried you were going to divorce me for disrespecting your kitchen.
I replied with the laughing emoji.
I was about to put my phone away when I saw I had another notification – email, this time.From: Francesca Shaw.
I stopped right where I was. Maybe I shouldn’t have been soquick to say how much I loved toast. There was a serious chance I might throw up.
But it was just an auto-reply –I am currently on leave– and a long list of who to contact in various circumstances.
