‘No war crimes in the next three years,’ he said, smiling faintly. ‘Got it.’
On the screen, the host and the lead were still talking. ‘Tell me what an ideal date would look like for you,’ the host said.
‘For a first date, I want the excitement, the theatre, the spark,’ the woman replied. ‘Let’s have an adventure. Let’s have a beautiful dinner in a beautiful restaurant afterwards. But once you really get to know someone, once you’ve built up that level of intimacy…? All I really want is dinner on the couch watching bad TV.’
I snatched my hand away, busily twirling more pasta on my fork. ‘Besides, if we got divorced before we passed probation, I’d probably be the one who was fired, not you, given how passionately Petrovski hates me,’ I said, trying to keep my tone airy. ‘This is delicious, by the way. My compliments to the chef.’
‘Thanks,’ Jonah said.
He settled back into his corner of the couch. ‘So explain to me who these people are, Shaw.’ He gestured at the screen. ‘What do I need to know?’
‘Okay, so…’
I launched into an extended explanation. The interruption from the TV had been awkward, but I was grateful for it. If it hadn’t happened, there was a chance I might have let the actual truth slip out.
I’m not going to divorce you, Jonah. You’re all I have.
After that first couple of weeks in Hobart – and after an incredibly long stream of unanswered texts and calls – I’d stopped trying to contact Chess. She’d asked me for space, and in return I’d bombarded her with messages. If I wanted her back anytime soon, I had to show her I respected her wishes.
But going completely radio-silent was inconceivable. Not speaking to my sister – even if she wasn’t speaking back – was something I just couldn’t do. How was she meant to know how sorry I was for the things I’d said to her if I didn’t tell her?
Every Wednesday evening, Jonah and I would take Veronica and Lin, the two casual academics who were teaching into our courses, out for a glass of wine and a cheeseboard at Tsundoku so we could talk about our plans for the following week (after so many years of being casuals ourselves, we were determined to treat our staff the best that we possibly could). Every time, I’d pick out a couple of books for Chess from Satoshi’s very well-stocked romance shelves. Then, after Jonah and I went home, had dinner, and watchedWherefore Art Thou Romeo?, he’d retire to his room for his weekly Zoom with Elias, and I’d retire to mine to write Chess a letter.
Dear Chessie,
Do you remember that first veggie patch we cultivated when I was seven, behind our old house? It was such a little overgrown disaster, but I was so proud of it, and you told me it was the best garden in the world.
I babysat Rosie and Georgia today (also aged seven) while Jonah took Fiona out, and they helped me prepare my patch in the community garden for autumn planting – and MY GOD, Chess, was I this bad? I remember you and me spending hours looking after that garden and having the best time, but they got bored after about five minutes and started throwing dirt at each other (and also me). Here’s a picture, in case you want to see what I look like with mud all through my hair.
I have an incredibly long way to go as a babysitter. I was also babysitting Lex (Fiona’s eldest, they just turned twelve), and completely forgot about them for about two hours because I was so distracted by the twins. Thankfully they were just sitting quietly on the balcony reading, but I felt so awful. Fiona laughed at me when I apologised, but… oof. The guilt.
The age difference between Lex and the girls is the same as the one between you and me. I don’t think I’ve ever really appreciated how hard that must have been for you, looking after me when you were only a kid yourself.
I miss you. I love you. And I’m so sorry for the things I said to you.
All my love,
Sadie xxx
Dear Chessie,
I took my friend Julia to Tsundoku yesterday. She lives on the other side of the river – people are really intense about east side/west side stuff in Hobart, it’s a whole identity thing – so she’d never even heard of it before.
Suffice to say she loved it. Another convert to Bibliophile! I can’t wait to take you here someday.
You’d like Julia. She’s a real no-nonsense, no-bullshit type. She’s the co-lead of this interdisciplinary research network I joined, and in our meeting the other day, a guy from the Health faculty tried to speak over her. I’ve never seen someone get so politely but thoroughly eviscerated. It was a thing of beauty. I’m going to have to get her to teach me how to do it, because my boss… ugggghhhhhhhh.
Anyway, I found out when we went for drinks that Julia knows Jonah’s brother Elias??? More than knows him, if I’m reading between the lines right. ‘Remember how I told you the first thing that happened to me when I got my permanent job was a divorce?’ she said. ‘It wasn’t just the job’s fault.’
Whatever happened, she absolutely fucking hates Elias’s guts. She was pretty sus on Jonah for a while too, but when he declined to join her research network because, in his words, ‘It’s about time my family connections did me a disservice for a change’, she decided he was probably okay.
‘I mean, I like you, and you liked him enough to marry him,’ she said. ‘How bad can he be?’
I know you don’t like Jonah either, Chess, but I promise you, he really is okay. We’re… I guess you could say we’re sort of friends now? We’re getting along, anyway.
I wish you were here so I could show you. I love you so much, and I always, always will.
Sadie xxx
