His chuckle came from a place low in his belly, pressed against the mattress.
Silence. We breathed together.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asked.
Yes. No.
‘I don’t know how to,’ I whispered.
How could I put into words what it felt like, this hole in my chest where the ties that bound me to Chess had been hacked away? And how could I explain to him – this man who had held me up and held me together and had turned his entire world upside down to help his sister – that I had cut the ties myself?
‘I’m really sorry,’ Jonah said.
‘It’s not your fault.’
‘It is, though.’
There was a rustle of bedding as he shifted slightly. ‘I know your sister is angry with you for marrying me,’ he said. ‘And I know how important she is to you, so I’m sorry, Sadie. I’m really,reallysorry. If there’s anything I can do to help make it right – anything at all – please tell me. I’ll do it. In a heartbeat. Even if—’ He paused for a moment. ‘Even if you decide you want to end this – this marriage, that’s completely fine. The ball’s in your—’
‘Stop.’
He stopped.
‘Jonah, none of this is your fault. Really. You haven’t done anything wrong. And…’ There was a lump in my throat so large it was difficult to get the words out around it. ‘After everything we’ve gone through to get here, do you really think I’d ditch you? Just like that? Especially after meeting your sister?’
‘We’re not talking about my sister,’ he said softly. ‘We’re talking about yours.’
I sniffed.
‘If you want to talk about her, that is,’ he added.
I swallowed several times, but the lump in my throat wouldn’t goaway. ‘We had a fight. I… I said some things. Awful things. Things I don’t think she can forgive me for.’
Silence again. My breath felt like it was caught behind the lump in my throat, like I might suffocate, right here in bed in the middle of an air-conditioned room.
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Shaw,’ Tweed Jonah snapped. ‘That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me. Including when you tried to convince me there was a direct line between nineteenth-century bardolatry and BookTok.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Your sister loves you unconditionally.’ The tone in his voice was sharp. ‘Any fool can see that. You are, theoretically at least, an intelligent woman. Do you really think you could fuck that up in one fight?’
‘You don’t know what I said to her!’
‘It doesn’t matter what you said to her! She loves you. She’ll get over it. Do you really think people march into airports and shirt-front the husbands of people they’re planning to wash their hands of forever?’
She… had done that, hadn’t she?
She hadn’t replied to any of my messages. She hadn’t wanted to talk to me.
But Chess had still marched into the airport and delivered what I was sure were some extremely detailed threats to Jonah.
Shehadcome.
‘You’re underestimating how much she loves shirtfronting people,’ I said, because it was easier to fight than to concede.
But Jonah gave no ground. ‘You’re underestimating how much she lovesyou.’
A tear leaked out of my left eye. I sniffed, wiping it away with the heel of my hand.
