Sadie relinquished the suitcase to me without argument, a clear sign that something was terribly, horribly wrong. ‘I’m sorry I’m late,’ she said, her voice coming out high-pitched, fast-paced, a bubbling fountain of words. ‘It took me longer to get ready than I thought – and then I was likeflowers, I need flowers, the photos will for sure look fake if I don’t have a bouquet, and…’
‘Shaw, slow down.’
I caught her wrist with my free hand, pulling her to a halt.
She looked up at me. She’d done a good job on her makeup – God, she was beautiful, no wonder teenage Jonah had had such an enormous crush on her, I would compare her to a million summers’ days – but the whites of her eyes had a pinkish tinge to them. She’d been crying.
‘Your sister…?’ I asked.
She shook her head.
‘Did you tell her?’
I couldn’t marry her if she hadn’t. That I knew, deep in my bones.
‘I told her. She, um, she… I don’t think she’s coming.’
Oh fuck.Fuck.
I didn’t want to ask the question, but I had to. ‘Do you still want to do this?’
Sadie closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
I braced myself.I’m sorry, Jonah, I can’t.
But then she opened them again. Her spine straightened, and when she spoke, her voice was as certain as her handshake.
‘What I want,’ she said, ‘is to get this over with.’
And so I married Sadie Shaw at four thirty on a Tuesday afternoon, in the shade of a hundred-year-old fig tree. Elias held the cheap bouquet of slightly wilting pink roses she’d bought, so Sadie could hold my hands. Van and Annie watched, her bags sitting at their feet.
‘I call upon the people here present to witness that I, Jonah, take you, Sadie, to be my lawful wedded wife,’ I dutifully repeated after the celebrant.
‘I call upon the people here present to witness that I, Sadie, take you, Jonah, to be my lawful wedded husband,’ she echoed.
My hands were shaking as I slipped a ring onto her finger; shaking worse as she slipped one onto mine. Standing this close to her, I could see that her dress was actually a very pale green, like the stone from her engagement ring had bled into it, ever so slightly.
‘Let us hope this day will form a milestone in your lives, one that you will look back upon with much joy and happiness,’ the celebrant said. ‘It therefore gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife. You may now both kiss, if you wish.’
Our eyes met.
We’d talked about this.We don’t have to kiss, if you don’t want to, I’d said.There’s a reason they say ‘if you wish’.
It’ll look weird if we don’t, Sadie had replied.Plus, the photographer’ll probably make us kiss later anyway. I can handle one little peck, Fisher, if you can.
She didn’t look like a person who could handle it.
I cupped her face in one of my hands, lightly, slowly, giving her every opportunity I could to push me away.
Her fingers travelled up to clutch my lapels. I felt the weight of it, emotionally and mentally, but also physically. My jacket was pulling taut across my shoulders.
Sadie Shaw was clinging to me.
What I want, I saw again, in her pleading eyes,is to get this over with.
So I kissed my bride.
Gently. Softly. Chastely. One little peck. That was all.
