‘No, no, no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘That was cheap. I will make the Dylans work for you, Murray, if it’s the last thing I do.’
My plan was working.
I didn’t know quite how Lily had done it, given she hadn’t even been on the group date, but she started a fight.That night, in the Villa kitchen, all the women turned on Juliet-Dylan for clearly and obviously being Romeo-Dylan’s favourite.
Juliet-Dylan protested.
Lily hung back, waited, and picked her moment.
‘How about we ask your little sidekick?’ she said sweetly. ‘Amanda, do you think it’s obvious that Dylan is the Romeo’s favourite?’
Everyone looked at Amanda. Her eyes were wide as she tried to disappear into the floor.
‘Well?’ Lily said.
‘Yes,’ Amanda said, her voice barely audible. ‘Yes, I think he likes her better than anyone else.’
It was a perfect moment of reality TV, because it did several things at once. It established that the Dylans had a special kind of bond (‘oh,’ your typical audience member might say, ‘I can’t see it, but if the other women can, they must really have something’). It set up conflict between Juliet-Dylan and the other women in the Villa, so the progression towards the Double Dylan happy ending had interesting obstacles to overcome. It also set up great tension between Amanda and Juliet-Dylan, a pressure point that could be exploited down the track.
And, as a bonus, it continued what had emerged in the single date, the thing that was going to make audiences fall in love with Lily. She was a delicious, delightful diva – a shit-starter who knew exactly what she was doing.
There was no producer in the world who could have engineered it any better.
Then, at the Last Chance Party the next day, Belinda – apparently out of nowhere – decided to leave. ‘It was herdecision,’ Romeo-Dylan told the assembled women. ‘It was her choice.’
The smirk on Lily’s face was very Lily Fireball – but it was Lily Ong too.
My plan was working. I had this brilliant, frustrating woman right where I wanted her: and she hadn’t even noticed.
I pretended to be annoyed when she snuck into the war room again after the Episode Six Necklace Ceremony, but I was so thrilled that I almost forgot to resist the plate she put down in front of me. ‘Lily, go to bed before people realise you’re gone,’ I growled at her, clenching my hands into fists under the table to keep them off the food, two liberally peppered poached eggs on top of a stack of toast.
‘No one will miss me for a while. They’re too busy fighting over bathroom space. How did I do tonight?’
I gave in and pulled the plate towards me. ‘Fine.’
‘Fine?! I went above and beyond. I got Belinda out of your hair – and I used Amanda to wedge the Dylans. That was better than fine.’
‘Stop taking credit for things you didn’t do.Iused Amanda to wedge the Dylans.’
‘Excuse me, do you think girl-Dylan would have walked in on that Amanda/boy-Dylan kiss at the Last Chance Party if it wasn’t for me?’ Lily looked outraged.
‘Do you think Amanda and boy-Dylan would have even been kissing if it wasn’t for me?’ I replied calmly, refusing to match her level of energy. ‘There’s no punchline without the set-up.’
It had been such a good punchline, though. The kiss I’d coaxed Romeo-Dylan and Amanda into hadn’t even been closeto convincing until Juliet-Dylan had interrupted it, jealousy written all over her face. Once I edited it together, the audience would have no clue she was jealous over the wrong person.
I expected Lily to push back harder, but she just leaned back in her chair. ‘I set you up the building blocks for a fight there,’ she said. ‘Do you want me to knock them over? The more you let girl-Dylan and Amanda stay in each other’s orbits, the more obvious it’s going to be that they’re obsessed with each other.’
I thought about it – genuinely, this time. She had a point.
‘Hold off for now.’ I dipped my toast into the runny egg yolk. ‘We’ve still got six episodes left to shoot. If we’re going to blow their relationship up, we need to get the timing right.’
‘Or, here’s an idea.’ A wicked smile spread across her face. ‘The contract is for the Dylans to get together, right? But surely it doesn’t sayjustthe Dylans. They both like Amanda, and you’ve got her earmarked to be runner-up anyway, so: throuple.’
I nearly choked. ‘God, can you imagine how loud Fucking Greg would yell if we tried to sell him on that?’
‘He’d be stupid to say no, though. The audience would go wild for a throuple. Especially those three. They’re the perfect combination of hot and wholesome. Can you imagine what it would do to the ratings?’
‘I’d consider pitching it and seeing what happened—’ I swallowed, ‘—but Dylan JM would never go for it. I don’t think he could cope with another deviation from the plan.’
