But he loved Julia. It had always been Julia, when it came down to it – and he was technically still married to her, even if it was only a matter of time until their divorce was finalised.
He loved her, but they’d split up anyway.
I loved him, but I’d spent years drawing lines around him, lines that separated me from him. If I crossed them – if I opened the vault and let him all the way in – if I did that, and we split up anyway…
If we crossed the Rubicon, I might drown in it.
‘It’s all right.’
I opened my eyes at the brush of Murray’s fingers against mine. ‘It’s all right,’ he repeated. ‘I heard you last night. I get it.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
He took his hand away and leaned back, eating a couple of his pepper-covered fries. ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘We both have hard edges, and our partnership is too important to risk. The thought of fucking that up makes me feel sick.’
‘Me too.’
‘Did I have a good time last night? Of course,’ he said. ‘But you’re my best friend before you’re anything else. That will always be true. That – us – is the most important thing.’
I should throw myself at this man. I should wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and press his hard edges into mine and never, ever let go.
‘So we’re good?’ I asked instead.
Murray gave me a look. ‘You can’t scare me off that easily, Lily. I’m not a fucking amateur.’
God, I loved him so much.
I ate a couple of my fries, trying to give myself a chance to swallow down all the inconvenient feelings lodged in my throat. ‘At least one good thing came out of it,’ I said lightly.
‘What’s that?’
‘You definitely won the breakup. You think Julia is pulling something as good as this?’ I gestured up and down my body.
Murray grunted and drank some of his beer.
‘Oh no,’ I said. ‘What?’
‘You know her nemesis? Elias?’
‘She didn’t.’
‘She did.’
‘Shut up. When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘A while ago, and because it’s embarrassing.’ He drank some more of his beer. ‘I’m supposed to be some big genius at reading people. My wife hooking up with the guy she told me definitely not to worry about because she hated him more than anyone else on the planet doesn’t exactly help my reputation.’
‘One, we just went on and on about how we’re best friends, you could have told me. Two, this is embarrassingfor her! I’ve been helping her ruin that man’s life. This is like if I turned around and fucked Denton.’
Murray choked. ‘Please don’t put that image into my head.’
His phone rang a little while later. ‘I should probably get this,’ he said, glancing at it. ‘It’s Cooper Pryce. The logistics of getting him in are going to be hell, and—’
‘—it’s not like you can kick the work to Tony,’ I said. ‘Take it.’
He stood. I stood too, and, before I had a chance to think about it, I wrapped my arms around his waist. ‘I love you,’ I said, voice muffled in his shoulder.
