‘Including me!’ I exploded. ‘Fuck, Lily!’
I ran my hand through my hair, tugging hard at the ends. ‘It doesn’t have to be like this,’ I said. ‘If you need someone to talk to, you have people – even if you don’t want to talk to me. And if you want to take your mind off things, you can come back to work any time you want. God knows I need you.’
‘No.’
The word was sharp, fast, a whipcrack.
Too sharp. Too fast.
‘No,’ she repeated, her tone more measured. ‘Producing is what the old Lily did, and I’m not her anymore. I can’t be her anymore. I just…’
Her voice trailed off. She closed her eyes for a second, false eyelashes long and dark against her cheeks.
Then she opened them again. ‘I just need to be someone else, Murray,’ she said. ‘Can you understand that?’
‘Yes.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t thank me yet. I haven’t finished.’
I took one of her hands again, gripping it tightly, as if I could keep her beside me if I just held on hard enough. ‘I can understand the desire to reinvent yourself. But there are a million different places you could do that. Why come back to the industry you’ve spent your entire career in?’
‘Maybe I missed you.’
‘Then pick up the fucking phone!’
‘And you’d answer? In all that spare time you have?’
‘Of course I would answer!’
I exhaled through my nose. ‘I can understand wanting to reinvent yourself. Of course I can. But it doesn’t have to be ontelevision! It doesn’t have to be as permanent and nuclear and career-ending as this will be! And it sure as hell doesn’t have to be as a twenty-five-year-old aspiring girlboss who’s not here to make friends!’
She paused. Contemplative, this time.
‘You know what Lily Fireball is?’ she said.
‘You’ve been quite clear that she’s a persona you’ve created specifically so everyone in the universe will hate you.’
‘They’ll love to hate me,’ Lily corrected. ‘Because Lily Fireball is going to be so muchfun.’
‘All set for package number five,’ Keira said from my dangling earpiece.
Lily switched seats to the other side and scooted closer to the door. That put her opposite me, our knees brushingtogether. ‘That is what I need,’ she said. ‘I just need to have some fun again. And we can have so much fun with Lily Fireball, Murray.’
We.
She leaned in close. ‘I know what it looks like. I know why you’re worried. And I love you for worrying, really, I do.’
She pressed her lips to my cheek, right next to my ear. ‘But I know what I’m doing,’ she whispered. ‘Trust me.’
I hesitated.
This was ridiculous. I shouldn’t even be considering this. If it weren’t for the pandemic protocols and the fact I wouldn’t be able to get back into the bubble after leaving it, I would have handed the First Night Party over to Suzette and Carrie, chaos be damned, and dragged her home myself.
But –we.She’d saidwe.If there was still awe…
‘You’re sure?’ I asked.
