What was it she’d said to me, that night we’d taken our make-up off together? That Romeo-Dylan didn’t like Dylan the best out of anyone? That they had no spark? That they’d be a terrible match?
She’d be fuming again when she realised she was wrong about that. ‘Oh, it’s obvious the Dylans are going to end up together, whenever we talked Dylan JM would justgushabout Dylan G,’ Cece would tell her.
Then Lily would probably push her in the lake or try and drown her in a bathtub or something. Partially for old times’ sake, but mostly because she was clearly someone who didn’t like to be wrong.
I wrapped a towel around myself and stepped out of the bathroom.
‘What the fuck is this?’ Dylan snarled.
She was standing next to the bunk that had been Lily’s. She nudged my suitcase with her foot. ‘What the fuck, Mandie?’ she repeated. ‘Is this what it’s like now? You can’t even be within six feet of me?’
‘It’s nothing,’ I said, pulling my towel tighter around myself. It felt like my voice should have come out all quavery, but it didn’t. ‘We’re the only two left in here. There’s no reason for us to be on top of each other.’
She threw my affirmation cards down at my feet. ‘It’s not nothing.’
I wanted to bend down and gather them up. I wanted to clutch them to my heart. I wanted to tell her what they meant to me, whatshemeant to me.
I dug my nails into my thigh and made myself stay silent.
‘I know I’ve fucked everything up,’ she said. ‘But you’re so important to me, Mandie. The thought of you and I being nothing to each other after this kills me. Itkillsme.’
My voice hadn’t wavered, but hers had cracked. Her shoulders were shaking. She swallowed once, twice, convulsively, and then she buried her face in her hands and started to sob.
I tried.
I tried to restrain my impulses.
I tried to make a good choice, even though it was a hard one.
I tried. I tried. I tried.
I failed.
‘You could never be nothing to me, Dylan,’ I said, and held her tight as she sobbed into my shoulder. ‘Never.’
I’m not sure how long we stood there like that. It was a bubble within our bubble, a moment that existed outside of the show, outside of the world, outside of time.
But she pulled back eventually. ‘I have to tell you some stuff, Mandie,’ she said hoarsely.
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘Can I put some clothes on first?’
‘No.’
I raised my eyebrows.
‘Not like that!’ she said hurriedly. ‘It’s just that if we stop now I’m going to lose my nerve because it’s a big deal, telling you what I have to tell you, and – can I just tell you? Can I just tell you now? Please?’
‘Come on,’ I said, and led her into the bathroom.
We sat on the floor, leaning against the cabinet beneath the sinks, taps and shower running, steam misting the air, so there was no chance anyone could hear us. ‘Okay,’ I told her. ‘We’re alone. No one’s listening except me. Say what you need to say.’
Dylan let out a long exhale. ‘There are a few things I need to tell you,’ she said. ‘The first one is that I like you, Mandie. I like you so much. You’re so important to me. I meant what I said. If we can’t at least be friends after the show is done, it’s going to kill me.’
‘I like you too,’ I said. ‘A lot. Too much. Which is why I’ve been so upset.’
‘That leads me to the second thing,’ she said. ‘Which is that I’m so, so, so sorry. Everything you said to me the other night after the dinner party was absolutely correct. I’ve beenhorribly unfair to you. If you never want to speak to me again after this, it’ll kill me, but I’ll understand. I deserve it.’
She took another deep breath. ‘I know I shouldn’t have kissed you,’ she said. ‘I should have just shoved all these feelings down, pretended them away. I was trying to. Really hard. But then they just started bleeding out everywhere, every time I looked at you, and then I just… blurted out how I felt about you, and you said you felt it too, and – this sounds like such a cop-out, but I couldn’tnotkiss you. The way I feel about you is…’
