I wished I could be mad at him. If I could do that, then I could leave with no regrets, with no consideration for his feelings. It would still hurt like hell when he and Dylan ended up together, but it would be so much simpler if leaving was the emotional equivalent of throwing darts at a board with his face on it.
‘I like you so much,’ I said.
Romeo-Dylan’s head snapped up, eyes wide.
Oh. Shit. No. That hadn’t come out right. What had I said?
‘I mean – you’re so nice,’ I babbled. ‘Such a nice man. You deserve to find someone who makes you happy. And she’s here! I know she’s here. Youwillbe happy.’
‘Amanda, stop,’ Murray said.
I wanted to sink into the ground.
‘What we need is a response from you,’ Murray said to Romeo-Dylan. ‘She’s told you she likes you. You can’t just leave her hanging.’
Romeo-Dylan’s finger and thumb had started tapping together again, faster and faster.
‘Tell him you like him again, Amanda,’ Murray said.
‘Um, I like you,’ I said.
‘Properly!’ Murray snapped. ‘Like you did before.’
I swallowed. ‘I like you so much,’ I said to Romeo-Dylan.
My hands were still on him, one on his back, one on his knee. His whole body was tensed up, like a gazelle that might flee at any moment.
‘I like you too, Amanda,’ he said.
‘More!’ Murray demanded. ‘You just told her a whole bunch of beautiful stuff before! Make it bigger! Make it better!’
I squeezed his knee, trying to give him whatever Mummy Mandie strength I had to get through this.
He closed his eyes for a second, took two deep breaths, then looked at me. ‘I like you too, Amanda,’ he said. ‘I’m so glad you’re on this journey with me. Every moment we spend together, I enjoy. You’re such a beautiful, special person. I love the way I feel when you’re around.’
I met his eyes. His creased at the corners as he smiled at me.
And—
And—
And—
‘Come on, Dylan,’ Murray snarled. ‘Are you just going to sit there and stare at her?’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I should have said something. It was my turn to talk.’
‘Amanda, you’re fine. Dylan, pull it together,’ Murray said. ‘How many kisses do I need to coach you through?’
‘Sorry, sorry, sorry,’ Romeo-Dylan said, pulling away from me and running his hand through his hair.
‘You’re the one making it awkward for yourself, not me,’ Murray said. ‘You’ve done all the hard work creating the moments. Just fucking follow through! Make-up, can we get someone to fix his hair?’
‘I can do it,’ I said. ‘Do you mind?’
‘No,’ Romeo-Dylan said.
I gently finger-combed his hair back into place. ‘You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to.’ There was no point in whispering – there was a boom mic directly above us, they could hear every word we said – but I did anyway. ‘It’s fine, I promise.’
