‘Fun idea, but we can’t do a duel,’ Murray said. ‘We don’t have the props. How about we settle for you two staring intensely and competitively into each other’s eyes instead?’
‘I’m a foot taller than her,’ Romeo-Dylan said. ‘Won’t I just look like I’m bullying her?’
‘Sit down, Romeo,’ Dylan told him. ‘Mandie, you come closer to me. Put your hand on the table on top of mine.’
She pulled at my hand. Her fingers were warm. I hoped she couldn’t feel how much my palms were sweating.
‘Now, glare down at him,’ she said.
I thought about the look that used to come into Jac’s eyes whenever she’d had to deal with her homophobic Aunt Beverley, and tried to turn it on Romeo-Dylan.
It took about three seconds for him to burst out laughing, so hard that the make-up person had to rush in and touchup his face. ‘I’m sorry, Amanda,’ he said, still wheezing. ‘It’s just – you might be the least menacing person in the world.’
I caught myself right before I spiralled. I was not going to take it personally. Being bad at being Jac did not make me pathetic. It was not an insult, and I wasnot going to take it personally.
‘You hold on just a minute there, sir,’ Dylan said. ‘Look at her! Look at this Mr Wickham, all sexy and mysterious and fascinating! You should be terrified of her! She could totally steal your girl.’
DO NOT TAKE THAT PERSONALLY EITHER, MANDIE MITCHELL. SHE IS YOUR FRIEND AND SHE DOES NOT MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
‘Mandie, look at me,’ Dylan said. ‘Practise on me first. Show me your intimidating glare.’
I did what she said, because it was the only thing I could do. I turned towards her, looked right into her eyes.
Oh nooooooo.
My breath caught in my throat. My blood pounded in my ears. I was fixed in place, transfixed by her, completely unable to move.
But the magic didn’t go both ways. Underneath my hand, I felt her fingers twitch.
‘That’s a little more bedroom eyes than intimidating glare, but you know what? Go for it,’ she said lightly. ‘Fun new take onPride and Prejudice: now Darcy and Wickham are into each other. It’s like a sexy “I hate you, you’re a terrible person, but I really want to very slowly and meaningfully unbutton your waistcoat” kind of thing.’
Romeo-Dylan laughed. I made myself laugh too, a second too late.
After the photo shoot, Romeo-Dylan got to pick one of us to spend some extra time with. I don’t know if anyone else was surprised when he picked Dylan, but I certainly wasn’t. How could he not?
Once we’d shot that little scene, we all got hustled off to film in-the-moment interviews (ITMs, the crew called them). ‘All right, Amanda,’ Murray said. ‘Same deal as always. Full sentences. The audience won’t hear my question, just your answer.’
I nodded, scratching at the corner of my lip. The emotional rollercoaster I’d just been on had made me break out in a sweat, and the moustache was starting to itch.
‘Talk us through the shoot today,’ Murray said. ‘What did you think when you got handed the costume?’
‘I don’t know what I thought.’
‘Amanda. Full sentences.’
‘I don’t know what I thought when I got handed the costume,’ I said. ‘Just that it was, uh, an interesting choice.’
‘What did it feel like, taking on that Mr Wickham character?’
‘It’s always fun, playing dress-up,’ I said vaguely. ‘Why not go for it, you know?’
We continued on like that for another half an hour or so. Every question Murray fed me seemed designed to prompt an answer like,well, I date women too, so pretending to feudwith the Romeo over a fair maiden came naturally to me,and every answer I gave was something boring and generic like,I had a good time and costumes are fun and why not roll with it?
I could sense Murray getting frustrated with me. But I was determined to stick to number9)on my list and make good choices at least once today. I might be a deeply impulsive person, but even I wasn’t going to out myself on national television without thinking about it first.
I was surprised to see Dylan in the kitchen when I finally got free of a) Murray and b) the moustache. ‘Hey,’ I said. ‘You’re still here! Aren’t you supposed to be having one-on-one time?’
‘Later tonight,’ she replied. ‘Ol’ Romeo had to go do something first. Shoot an interview, probably.’
