‘Technically we’re in a love tridecagon right now,’ Romeo-Dylan said. ‘Yes, I did have to go and look up the word for a thirteen-sided shape, thank you for asking.’
We had to stop again and film a bigger laugh reaction.
‘… but I thought love triangles might be slightly more manageable,’ he went on. ‘I’m new to this Romeo business. I’ve got to ease into it.’
He had a bit of a sheepish expression on his face, and I noticed his thumb and middle finger tapping together. I felt bad that we hadn’t laughed harder at his joke the first time. If I’d been in his shoes, and a bunch of people had to order all my girlfriends to find me funny, I’d have wanted to disappear into the ground.
I managed to catch his eye and give him what I hoped was an encouraging smile. His expression didn’t change (not that much, anyway – the laugh lines around his eyes might have deepened a little, but I might have imagined it), but a few moments later, his fingers stopped tapping.
‘There are eight of you on this group date, which means we’ll be shooting four love triangles with our Romeo Dylan,’ Z said. ‘Naya and Kanda, you two and Dylan JM will be playing Archie, Betty and Veronica.’
‘I’m going to apologise in advance for how I’ll look in a red wig,’ Romeo-Dylan said. ‘I doubt it’s going to be pretty.’
‘We’ll cope with our pain somehow,’ Naya said.
Romeo-Dylan smiled at her. His laugh lines definitely deepened this time. He really did have kind eyes.
‘Kumiko and Parisa, you and Dylan JM are going torecreate the iconic filmThe Graduate, and play Ben, Elaine and Mrs Robinson.’
Parisa did not look pleased. I’d found out during the Great Shopping List Saga that at thirty-eight, she was the oldest woman in the Villa. It looked like the show had already decided on the narrative they’d build around her.
What were they going to build around me and Marija? They were obviously going to pair Lily and Dylan together – that combination promised classicMarry Me, Julietdrama – but all Marija and I had linking us was that we were both blonde.
… which probably meant we’d be the montage girls. They’d skim right over us when this episode aired – look, there’s the Romeo with two blonde bimbos, nothing interesting to see here, and—
‘Marija and Lily Fireball, you’ll also be recreating an iconic film with our Romeo –My Best Friend’s Wedding!’ Z said. ‘Which leaves Amanda and Dylan G, who’ll be doing something a little bit different. You’ll be teaming up with Dylan JM on one of the most famous love stories in history:Pride and Prejudice!’
7
I haven’t readPride and Prejudice.I tried to, when we studied it at school, but I couldn’t really get into it. I just watched the Keira Knightley version and had some profound emotions about her cheekbones.
I didn’t remember much about it (apart from the cheekbones), but I did remember that it was about a bunch of sisters, so when we got to wardrobe it was a big surprise that, instead of being handed one of those dresses with the waist right up under the boobs, they handed me a three-piece suit. ‘Dylan G, you’ll be playing Lizzy Bennet,’ the wardrobe lady said, thrusting an armful of cream-coloured fabric in Dylan’s direction. ‘Dylan JM will be Mr Darcy, and Amanda, you’re Mr Wickham.’
Dylan started laughing. ‘Sri Lankan Darcy, Samoan Lizzy, and tiny blonde femme Mr Wickham,’ she said. ‘Thisis going to be the most interestingPride and Prejudicein the history of time.’
Our shoot was the last of the four. I wasn’t sure if this was for ~drama~ reasons or just because our make-up was the hardest to do and they needed to get the easy ones out of the way first. ‘What’s Mr Wickham’s deal?’ I asked Dylan as we sat next to each other in the make-up tent. ‘What kind of energy do I need to bring?’
‘Hold still,’ the make-up lady said. She was fixing a very thin pencil moustache to my upper lip. A few stray dark hairs fell on the cover-up I was wearing over my shirt and waistcoat.
‘He’s a fuckboi,’ Dylan answered. ‘He spends the whole first part of the book flirting with Lizzy—’
‘That’s you?’
‘Hold still!’
‘That’s me,’ Dylan confirmed. ‘But Mr Wickham doesn’t have any money, and neither do I, so his attention wanders.’
This was ringing some Keira Knightley memory bells. ‘Because he needs to marry rich?’
‘Exactly. He’s a gold-digger. Which is fine, you’ve got to respect the hustle – but then it turns out he’s got a nasty habit of seducing teenagers.’
The make-up lady finished with my moustache. ‘So I’m the villain,’ I said.
‘You end up seducing my baby sister and Mr Darcy wins me over by bullying you into marrying her,’ Dylan said. ‘It’s very hot of him.’
‘Well, we all know that’s the hottest quality a man can have,’ I said. ‘Making a fuckboi marry your sister.’
‘Speaking of hot, bow chicka wow wow, Mandie!’ Dylan said, as the make-up lady whisked my cover-up away. ‘You make a very hot dude.’
