‘The right thing for you,’ I said, digging deep and finding Mummy Mandie, the most supportive, sexless tool in my arsenal. ‘We’ve talked about this. Nursing isn’t what you want to do with your life.’
‘Fuck what I want!’ she said, looking at me, her beautiful eyes wild. ‘I’m needed.Theyneed me, out there. Stage Four restrictions means that things are really, really bad. I could help – and what, I’m just not going to? Because I don’twantto?’
‘Dylan,’ I said. ‘You’re a strong woman. But you don’t have to be strong enough to carry all of that on your own.’
‘I did one of those talking head interviews with Murray during the First Night Party,’ she said. ‘Before Z came in, while you were talking with Cece. He asked me how it felt to be a hero.’
‘You are a hero,’ I said. ‘You’ve been on the frontlines for weeks.’
‘But I’m not there now.’
‘You can always go back,’ I said. ‘If you feel like you need to – like it’s something you have to do – you can go back.’
‘No, I can’t!’ she said. ‘Because I’m here! And I – we – can’t leave!’
She buried her head in her hands, her fingers clutching at her temples. ‘This is the worst idea I’ve ever had, Mandie,’ she said, her voice muffled. ‘I’m used to being – Ineedto be – in control. When they took Cece away from me, it just drove home that I’m not in control in here. I can’t help, even if I want to. I’ve got no say over anything. Not who I see, what I do, if I stay, if I go, when I talk to Noah—’
Her voice cracked.
‘I can go down the hall and get Suzette, if you like,’ I offered. ‘She’s got a phone. I know it won’t fix everything, but you could call Noah, see how he’s doing.’
‘No. It’s too early. He’ll still be asleep.’
Dylan took a deep breath, and then took her hands away from her face. ‘I just need to accept that I’ve signed my life away.’
‘You’ve signed your six weeks away,’ I said. ‘Not your life.’
I took a risk and put my hand on her knee. The sequins of her dress were scratchy beneath my palm.
‘We’ve been up all night,’ I told her. ‘We’re tired. We drank a lot of champagne. A lot happened. But I promise it’s going to be okay.’
She took another deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment.
‘We just need to go to bed,’ I said. ‘Get some rest. I bet you anything things’ll be clearer afterwards.’
She looked sideways at me and smiled. It was a weak smile, one that didn’t go all the way to her eyes, but it was still a smile. ‘You’re a good egg, Mandie,’ she said.
‘So are you,’ I said, giving her a very Mummy Mandie pat on the knee before forcing myself to take my hand away.
‘Want to bunk with me?’ she asked. ‘The top one’s free.’
‘Sure.’
‘Now get up and get out.’
I blinked.
‘So I can get out and take my make-up off,’ Dylan clarified. ‘You couldn’t swing a cat in here.’
‘Oh.’
Obediently, I stood and edged out of the narrow gap between our bed and the bunks next to us so Dylan could do the same. Naya and Jess K emerged from the bathroom, and Dylan walked in, closing the door behind her.
I took a few of my own deep breaths. My whole body was still vibrating. It was frankly amazing that I hadn’t blurted out something like,Here’s something that’ll distract you from your guilt! You’re so beautiful it hurts to look at you and I want to bury my face in your neck and never come up for air.
I needed to take my own advice. Sleep. Somehow. Things would be clearer once my brain had a chance to reset.
I climbed up into my bunk and tested it out. The sheets were a little scratchy, but the mattress was firm, and there was a fuzzy blanket the same colour as the bedspread across the foot of the bed. Jac and I used to have exactly the same blanket in magenta, and I’d inherited it in the break-up.I knew for a fact it cost $23, because I’d bought it. Who knewMarry Me, Julietwas so cheap?
