So was I, I realised suddenly.
Fourteen days in lockdown should have been plenty of time to process the fact that I was about to go on reality TV and try to fall in love. But between watchingReal Housewivesand chatting with Dylan and doing my best notto stalk Jac’s social media and trying to erase the wordsDon’t you have any self-respect?from my brain, I hadn’t actually given it much thought.
Typical Mandie,Jac used to say, ruffling her fingers through my hair.Never thinking ahead.
‘Can you tell us who the Romeo is?’ I asked Murray.
He’d been absorbed in an argument with the East Asian woman sitting next to him (her huge yellow skirt was spread over his lap, and Murray was making it clear that he would very much like her skirtnotto be spread over his lap), and he looked slightly surprised to realise that there were other people in the limo. ‘You’ll find out soon enough.’
‘I heard it was Chris Gregory,’ the blonde woman on Big Yellow Dress’s other side said. I remembered her from the pre-lockdown briefing, because Dylan had pointed her out and said, ‘Look, Mandie, your clone.’
‘The TV gardener?’ Big Yellow Dress said, making a disgusted face. ‘Eww.’
‘What do you mean, “eww”?’ the Mandie Clone demanded. ‘He’s a babe. Haven’t you seen his abs?’
‘He’s always so sweaty. I bet he reeks. Probably worse than you, Murray.’
Murray’s face took on a stormcloud expression.
‘I wouldn’t mind if it were Chris Gregory,’ I said. ‘He has kind eyes.’
It wasn’t a lie. Mum loved lifestyle shows, and I’d seen a lot of Chris Gregory’s landscaping program since I’d moved back in with her. He spent a lot of time gently patting fertiliser down around plants and gently helping childrendesign vegetable gardens and gently stroking trees before he pruned branches off.
He’d be a great Romeo. Jac had been a lot of things, but gentle hadn’t been one of them. I could use some gentle in my life. I’d be gently attracted to him, and he could be my extremely gentle rebound. ‘I’m sorry, Amanda, but your heart isn’t the other half of mine,’ he’d tell me gently when he broke up with me, and I’d paper over my agonising heartbreak with a gentler one, and then I could just get on with my life.
‘It’s not Chris Gregory,’ Murray said.
Oh. Well. There went that fantasy.
‘Here’s what’s going to happen,’ Murray said. ‘Listen up. That means you, Lily.’
Big Yellow Dress rested her chin on his shoulder and smiled sweetly up at him. ‘What is it that makes you think I’m not listening? I’m starting to think you don’t like me.’
Yikes. Chris Gregory had clearly made a lucky escape. This woman would have eaten him for breakfast.
‘In about five minutes, we’re going to pull up in the driveway,’ Murray said, apparently deciding to pretend Yellow Dress Lily wasn’t there. ‘You’ll stay in the limo until I say you can get out. Say what you need to say to the Romeo, but make it quick. We have to film this whole thing – all the entrances, the First Night Party, and the Necklace Ceremony – while it’s still dark, so we don’t have time for you to take forever.’
‘Isn’t the First Night Party usually filmed over a couple of nights?’ Dylan asked.
‘Usually, yes,’ Murray replied. ‘But we can’t take you back out of the Juliet Villa once we put you in because ofthe bubble, so this year we have to get it all in one. Get in, get out, be memorable. The Romeo’s meeting fifteen girls tonight, so if he can’t remember your name, he’s probably going to cut you.’
Something about that sentence made my stomach clench.
I was good with people. I knew that.6)on my list –I am good at making friends.
But just because I was good with people didn’t mean I was good at making themrememberme.
I didn’t stand out. I was vanilla ice cream. Everyone likes vanilla ice cream, but no one ever goes ‘mmmm, wow, delicious, what a memorable vanilla ice cream I just had, I’m going to tell all my friends about it’.
What’s the worst that can happen?I asked myself.Even if you get eliminated on the first night, you still tried something new. You still took a big step forward. You still stopped waiting.
But Jac wouldknowI got cut straight away.
Pathetic,she’d say.You can’t even do that right.
Dylan squeezed my fingers. ‘Hey,’ she whispered to me. ‘I’m nervous too.’
‘Thanks,’ I whispered, squeezing back. ‘I’m just worried he won’t remember me.’
