Jacen held Seth’s hand tighter and raised it to his temple. Seth’s first instinct was confusion, but then he understood. He raised his other hand to Jacen’s opposite temple. They stood face-to-face, and for once, Jacen was not a priest at all but a supplicant at confession. He let down the barriers of his mind.
“It’s hard to explain,” he murmured. “So, I’ll show you.”
Seth closed his eyes, and Jacen drew him in. Tentative at first, then in a torrential rush, he showed him. Everything he’d suppressed and held sacred for more than a decade, the words he should have said years ago.
NotI’m sorry.He was not sorry, not for one thing they had endured together, not for a moment he’d spent at Seth’s side.
I love you.
He showed Seth himself as he appeared to Jacen: brave in a way most could never feign, a man with nothing to prove. The way Seth challenged Jacen even as he defended him to others. The violence of which he remained more than capable but held firmly in check, so the first thing he showed the world was always gentleness.
Jacen feared Seth might recoil, but then—the pressure of callused hands against his temples. He opened his eyes. Seth’s remained shut, and tears pooled in the crinkles of his lids. Jacen did not dare speak, only stood there, breathing in the moment.
Seth opened his eyes, warm as the russet earth of the Scar, and the tears slipped down into his beard unrestrained. He said nothing, but there was no need. He wrapped a hand around the back of Jacen’s head, making him lean down so they were forehead-to-forehead.
And then it was like gravity. No telling who moved first. Seth’s fingers knotted in Jacen’s tunic as their lips crashed together. His hand loosened from a fist, stroking down the plane of Jacen’s chest, around to the small of his back. Jacen grasped Seth by the neck and pulled him closer,closer,until he felt Seth’s heart thudding against his ribcage.
Seth caught Jacen’s shoulders, maintaining a sliver of distance between them. “Are you sure?”
Jacen shut him up with another kiss. He was not sure of much these days, but this? It required no thought at all.
Much later, in a secluded room somewhere in the library, Jacen lay against Seth as they held each other. He listened to Seth’s heartbeat, breathing in his scent of woodsmoke and citrus, absently tracing his fingers over the hair on his muscled chest and rounded stomach.
“Gods.” Seth stroked Jacen’s head with an astonished little laugh. “I think I might understand why the Church doesn’t let telepaths fuck. That was . . .” He trailed off, at a loss.
In the afterglow of pleasure, though, Jacen sensed something else: a subtle thrill of fear.
In all honesty, you terrify me.
He sat up, suddenly self-conscious as reality came rushing back. He’d done what he’d been told all his life he could not, and now he felt far too much.
Seth straightened in turn. “What’s wrong?” He touched Jacen’s shoulder, and the tender familiarity of the gesture sent a flare of warmth through him.
“Nothing you did.” But Jacen couldn’t stop himself from blurting, “Does what I am bother you?”
Seth raised his eyebrows. “A priest?”
“You know perfectly well that’s not what I meant.”
“Argumentative? Taller than me? Strangely intolerant of spicy food? All flaws, yes, but I’ve managed to forgive you for them.” He looked around the room, then pointedly down at his naked body. “I thought that was obvious.”
“Please be serious,” Jacen snapped. “It doesn’t bother you that I’m not entirelyhuman?”
“Right. Sorry.” Seth cleared his throat. “Of course not. You’ve met
my family. I’d be a hypocrite and a fool to judge anyone by their bloodline.”
Jacen had to ponder how he might reply and did not get the chance. He sensed an approaching presence. He swore and tripped over himself as he scrambled for his clothes. “Someone’s coming.”
He was rather sore. Was he moving normally? Gods, would everyone be able totell? This was humiliating. He was far too oldfor this. He should have gotten this over with as an adolescent, like every other person he knew?—
The presence drew close enough for Jacen to identify. He let himself breathe again. “It’s Ysira.”
Seth was grinning, perhaps about to say something, when Ysira shoved through the door with alarming force. Not so much as a knock. Her black eyes skated over them both, betraying mild intrigue, but her shoulders were tense. She was breathing hard, as if she’d run there.
The three of them stared at one another for a moment before Ysira cleared her throat and pointed behind her. “I just heard from the Gatekeeper. It’s urgent.”
Something had shaken her. It made the hairs on the back of Jacen’s neck stand on end.
