Poe gave a soft nicker that made him sound like he smoked ten packs a day, and I buried my face against the soft hairs of his neck. He was musky, earthy, and a little sweet like his peppermints, and I took in a large lungful of the scent, trying to drive away the one that lingered in the back of my mind.
My head was still in a cloud, but more than that, I felt hollow.Like I really had screamed away every emotion in my body. Some days that was exactly where I wanted to be—empty and unfeeling. But it also made everything else muted as if I were trapped in a bubble where nothing could reach me. Even the happier things.
After a few minutes of me standing there, holding onto the horse like the lifeline he was, Poe began to root against the pocket of my jacket, clearly searching for payment for his services.
“Hold on, bub.” I sighed. “I’ll go get some.”
Stepping out of his stall, I went to the tack room and grabbed a handful of the soft peppermints plus a few molasses cookies. Maybe spoiling Poe would help bring back some sensation so I wasn’t a walking shell for the rest of the day.
Granger and Tallie were both able to tell when I was in one of those funks, and given I’d lost my shit in front of Granger earlier, I wouldn’t be able to brush off the conversation of seeing a grief counselor or shrink like I normally could. Fuck, I wouldn’t put it past him to have already made an appointment for me.
I was just stepping out of the tack room when the last two people I wanted to see came around the corner. Granger was going over the different types of feeds we used for the broodmares because of their increased needs until the foal was weaned. Both he and Jackson stopped, and the kicked puppy expression Jackson wore dug its rusty hooks into my heart.
“You missed chili,” Granger stated, the accusation clear in his voice as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“I’ll give Tallie my excuses at dinner.” I gave Granger a weary look, hoping it would be enough to end this discussion. Food was the last thing on my mind. It would all just taste like ash right now, anyway.
His features softened marginally, but he shook his head. “Tallie might let you off, but I won’t. What was that earlier?”
“Let it go, Grange,” I tried, my delivery withering and almost pleading.
“Absolutely not. You acted like a complete jackass to Jackson.”
My eyes slid to the man in question, who still looked like he was bracing himself to have his head chewed off at any second. Something uncomfortable swirled in the pit of my stomach at that. I ran my hand over my forehead, trying to rub away the headache I could feel forming.
“Can we do this another time?” I asked even though I knew Granger wouldn’t let me walk away that easily.
“Sure,” he stated, shocking me, but as I glanced up at him, he was still stony faced with his arms crossed over his chest. “You can do it whenever you want, becauseyou’regoing to be training Jackson again, like you’resupposedto be. And there will be hell to pay if you don’t apologize by the end of the day.”
I felt like I was getting scolded by a parent, but I couldn’t even muster the energy to fight or get upset over it. Every limb in my body felt like they weighed a thousand pounds, and I would have begged for sleep if I thought I wouldn’t be tortured to the brink of death just to be dragged back to life.
“If it’s all the same, I’d rather stick with you, Granger,” Jackson spoke up as he looked at him, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket as he shivered with the cold. He needed a better jacket. But when what he said finally registered, it rankled.
“No, you won’t.”
The words were out of my mouth the moment I thought them. Jackson startled, but Granger looked smug as hell. I spared him only a momentary glance before finally looking my new employee in the eyes.
He looked so young and unsure, which only made me feel like more of a dick for how I’d treated him previously
“Granger is right. I was an asshole to you earlier, and I’m sorry for it. It was a horrible first impression, but if you’d be willing to give me another chance, I’d appreciate being able to show you I’m a better man than the one you saw before.”
For a second, the three of us stood there, the cold air billowing through the barn until Jackson shuffled awkwardly and let out a muted chuckle. “I don’t think I’ve ever been apologized to so sincerely before. I think I’m blushin’,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck, and I pointedly ignored the flush in his cheeks.
Granger let out a short bark of laughter before smacking his arm. They obviously had hit it off in the time they’d been together, but the small flare of… something in my gut at the way Jackson grinned back at him was completely unwelcome.
“Well, since we’re all sorted here”—Granger sniffed as he caught my eye, and I grunted—“I’m going to go help Weston fix an issue with the fence in the eastern pasture. I’ll see y’all at dinner.”
“Sure, see ya.” Jackson waved as Granger headed out as though it was his blessing he’d needed to leave. But, then again, it kind of was.
Silence hung thick in the frozen air between us when Jackson turned back toward me. I cleared my throat, feeling so unsure of myself.
“Come meet Poe,” I finally managed to say, tilting my head toward the horse’s stall. Jackson’s brows came together, but he nodded. I’d been expecting to hear Poe knocking for his treats, demanding payment for the cuddling session he’d provided, but he let out a gentle whinny at the new face when we walked up.
“Fucking attention whore,” I grumbled, holding my hand out flat for him to take a peppermint. Poe nodded his head, showing his excitement for the treat, but I chose to believe he was agreeing with me.
“Wow, he’s gorgeous,” Jackson breathed, reaching his hand out for Poe to smell before running it up the white marking on his face.
“Don’t tell him that. It’ll go to his head,” I joked, softly smiling at the way Poe snorted in retaliation.
