Instead of responding, I raised my hand to cup his neck, letting my thumb rub along his smooth skin. He was so soft. So different from me. My eyes lingered there, entranced by the flush that bloomed from my touch until I trailed them up to his face to find that mischievous gleam had fallen. It was replaced by the flames of desire swelling in his eyes, and I knew they would be both my salvation and damnation. I wanted to burn in those flames. Christened and charred to ash in the heat of Jackson’s hunger.
That sinful tongue poked out, drawing my attention down to those plump lips, and I watched as it drew a line along his lower one before slipping away. And I was done. I dove headfirst into the waters of my misery and ruin.
The descent to his mouth felt like a meteor crash—inevitable,disastrous, but a blazing path across a dark wasteland of sky. The impact was soft like the welcomed embrace of coming home after being away for too long. His lips sipped at mine, a gentle brush against each other, like we were both afraid of the burn when we ignited. But I needed it. I needed the searing ache to remind me that this was a fleeting moment. We could never be anus. We couldn’t be more than two bodies, seeking something the other person would never be able to provide.
Gently tugging at his belt loops, I pulled Jackson toward me, taking advantage of the momentum to deepen our kisses. He grunted as his hard body hit mine, and I quickly wrapped one arm around his waist to anchor him there. Little sparks of electricity went off inside me as he brought his hands up to cart his fingers through the short hairs at the base of my neck. Each scrape of his blunt nails across my scalp had my dick plumping up, and a low moan escaped me. Jackson swallowed it down with fevered abandon along with every other thready breath and hushed sound I made. It was as if he were a starving man, and I was the feast laid out before him. He was quickly consuming me as he took control of the kiss, and all I wanted was to be devoured whole.
Anticipation danced along my skin making goosebumps rise all over my flesh, so when Jackson’s fingers slid higher into my hair, knocking my hat off in the process, the sensations were electric and mind-numbing. Heat pooled low in my belly as his tongue swept into my mouth, and if I were a better man, I would let myself fall into the pleasure this gorgeous man was offering. But that wasn’t our story.
I shifted to hold onto Jackson’s hips as the intensity of his kisses continued to rise, the ache and burn inside my chest swelling in response. The move slotted him against me almost perfectly, and I felt the bulge of his erection through the thick denim of his pants. Mindlessly, I rocked against him, dragging the outline of my own cock against his. The simple friction was heady, but the pleased grunts and groans that rose from Jackson were what sent little frissons along my spine.
But it wasn’t enough. I needed more. I wanted to feel something other than the all-consuming sorrow that weighed me down since that fateful day three years ago. Even if it was the shame of taking advantage of the comfort and pleasure another man was willingly offering me.Even if it hurts.
My lips brushed over soft skin as I laid kisses along Jackson’s jaw and down his neck, reveling at the way he tilted his head to give me better access, silently letting me take control. The exposed column of his neck was gorgeous, and fire licked inside my veins at the visual he’d make with his head thrown back, cords taut as he lost himself in ecstasy. My teeth nipped a path down, Jackson letting out an appreciative sound as he dug his fingers into my hips. He thrust himself against me, urging and desperate in the same way I was.
I cupped my hand around his erection, a rumble of approval leaving my throat as I felt the girth of him. The Jackson of my fantasies had a nondescript dick—not because I believed it to be the case, but because I never wanted to tempt myself with more. But here he was, pleasantly surprising me again. Kneading and rubbing at his cock through his jeans, I slowly began to lower myself down to my knees.
I’d just barely gotten onto one when a sharp sting radiated through my scalp, and I hissed through my teeth. Jackson had threaded his fingers into my hair and tugged. It hadn’t been aggressive, hardly more than a quick pull to get my attention, but it sent a surge of heat throughout my body all the same.
That’s it. Use me. Fuck me up. Leave me unrecognizable on the other side.
I stared up into those green-brown eyes, so foggy with lust but still appraising as he looked me over; begging, pleading with my own to give me what I needed. But Jackson just pulled me back up by one of my arms, which would have needled at a soft part of me I hadn’t wanted touched if he hadn’t nipped at my lower lip and murmured, “Not out here. Don’t want anyone interrupting us.”
And then he dove back in, kissing me with such ferocity that I was sure my lips would be bruised. It was perfect.
My body vibrated as this normally sunshine man turned nearly feral in his desire. The force of his need was powerful, and I took a step backward to keep us from getting unbalanced, but Jackson just kept pushing. He steered me into the neighboring stall, holding me against him as if he couldn’t bear any space between us.
The shavings, while soft and hardly an obstacle when walking forward, were difficult to maneuver as I shuffled my way backward, all while still kissing as if oxygen wasn’t a necessity either of us needed. Every inch of me was thrumming and wound too tight to the point I was ready to combust when we finally hit the far wall, my fingers quickly working to pop open the button of his pants. His hot breath fanned against my lips when he let out a soft gasp as I slid my hand inside his boxers and scraped blunt nails through the coarse curls at the base of his cock.
“’S cold,” he hissed, shifting to nip and suck at my earlobe while I fished him out of his underwear.
“Sorry,” I whispered a little lamely, too focused on the blistering heat radiating off the beautiful dick I was holding. Fuck me, he might have the prettiest dick I’d ever seen. He was cut, the head of his cock a deep pink that shifted to softer shade that traveled all the way to the base. My mouth watered at the sight while my heart tripped over itself inside my chest.
“It’s okay.” His gravely tone crooned in my ear. “I like having your hands on me—even if they are a little cold.” Jackson let out a soft huff of laughter that sent shivers down my spine and spurred me into action.
I brought my hand back up to my mouth, spitting into it before coating his erection and giving him a few slow tugs. One of his moved from my hip up to my neck, shifting my jaw so he could attack my mouth again. I felt the other come down to palm at my crotch, and I grunted into his mouth as a sinking pit opened inside my stomach.Too many thoughts were swirling through my head, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t reach that cliff edge. I wanted to free fall. To go back to the place Jackson brought me to before, so I could maybe find the pleasure in this painful ride. For a moment, I tried to let go and just feel.
His tongue dominated but tasted so sweet against my own.
The silky skin of his shaft and the weight of it in my hand.
They’re so different from him. It’s all so different. He doesn’t even smell like him anymore.
The shattered pieces inside my chest rattled around at the thoughts, and I had to bite back the sob that wanted to escape. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. I shouldn’t be thinking of someone else while stroking Jackson’s dick. I shouldn’t be kissing him like he was the reason I woke in the dead of night.
Raleigh shouldn’t be dead.
“Fuck me.” It came out gruff and ragged, and Jackson’s lips left mine immediately.
I almost wanted to chase them, to take back the words that pulled him from me, but as we stood there trying to catch our breath, I knew what Jackson was doing as those assessing eyes roamed over my face. He was waiting for me to back out. To pretend like those two little bombs hadn’t gone off between us. But God wasn’t here to absolve me of my sins, and I was going to hell anyway.
“You want that?” Jackson asked after a moment. “You’d want me to fuck you?”
“You don’t want to?”
He shook his head. “I want you however I can have you. I just wasn’t expecting…” His eyes roamed over my body. “It just caught me off guard, that’s all.”
Something sick slithered along my skin, the slow glide of it feeding this seed of doubt inside my belly that pleaded with me, but I wanted this. Ineededthis.
