“You can do all that shit with Stripe,” he says stubbornly. “If you’re good to him, Stripe’ll take you out on dates. He’ll treat you exactly as nice as you treat him.”
“But he’s so much older than me. We don’t really know each other, so how can we be sure we’re compatible?” I could saya lot more about Stripe, but I go with the options least likely to get my father in a rage.
“Compatibility is you being a good wife and doing what he says. Everything else will fall into place,” he states firmly. “You can get to know each other after the wedding.” He picks his fork back up like the matter is closed, because in his head it is. “He’s a loyal brother, a good earner, and he asked for you all respectful like. I promised you to him. You need to come to terms with that as soon as possible.”
I’m desperately grasping for a way to get him to change his mind or at least pump the brakes on the idea.
“Can I have some time to adjust to the idea?” I ask.
“Course you can. Think it over if you like. Get used to the idea. You could do a whole lot worse than Stripe.”
***
Two days later, I’m in the clubhouse when Stripe approaches me with an engagement ring. I know better than to turn him down, especially with other brothers watching. After that he starts coming by the house to see me. It seems like every time I turn around, he’s standing there, quietly wanting what he already sees as his.
My father looks all kinds of pleased that he’s hanging around so much. And my brothers both treat our relationship like it’s settled business. Anytime I try to talk about it, they all act like I’m being dramatic.
Three days later, my father tells me over breakfast that he’s proud of how well I’ve been treating Stripe. Then he adds, “The wedding’s gonna be held at the clubhouse. Stripe isbreakin’ out his suit for the occasion.” Shooting me a pointed look, he adds, “If you don’t get busy picking out a dress, I’ll send one of the club girls to do it for you.”
Spark adds, “Stripe’s old lady patch is already being made. He’ll have you in a property cut in no time.” He makes it sound like a good thing, something romantic that I should be looking forward to.
I can’t believe how quickly my life has spun out of control. I’m barely eating, and with all the stress my period is late. I really can’t take this.
“I just don’t think I’m ready for all the responsibilities that come with being married,” I say.
My father’s voice turns cold. “Don’t humiliate our family, Nora. I’ve given you time to get used to the idea of being Stripe’s old lady. Instead of getting to know him, you’ve been dragging your feet.”
Brave walks up to me later that night and tells me, “You should quit making gettin’ married harder than it has to be. You’re being selfish and only thinkin’ about yourself.”
I roll my eyes at my stupid brother. “This has nothing to do with you, Brave. Get back in your lane and stay there.”
I’m not convinced that Brave understands the magnitude of what’s going on here. It’s okay for him. No one ever decided on his life. My brothers were always allowed to do as they pleased.
I learned a long time ago that to argue with my father is pointless. He always wins. Maybe I just need to accept my fate. I tell myself I can clean Stripe up, get him to be nicer by spoilinghim with attention and good food. I almost believe it, right up until the morning everything changes.
Sitting on the toilet scrolling through my phone, I check my calendar. That’s when I realize that I’m not just late, I’mlatelate. I know I’m under a lot of stress, but on the occasions I’ve been late before, it was only by a day or two. And back then, I hadn’t had sex so had no reason to be worried. Thinking back to that night with Jinx, I realize we didn’t use protection. Honestly, I was so happy to be having sex, I didn’t even think about it.
How could I have been so stupid?
I get dressed and text my father that I’m going to buy vitamins and hair supplies. He’s preoccupied with whatever is going on in his world, so he barely responds. I pack my messenger bag full of everything I can’t live without and leave before he can assign a prospect to escort me. I go to the nearest pharmacy, buy a pregnancy test, and take it in the restroom. Sitting in the stall, I take the test and set it on the top of the toilet paper dispenser while I clean up and right my clothing. The seconds tick by slowly, seeming like hours.
While I anxiously await the test doing its job, I can’t help but think about Jinx. I could be carrying his child right now. Something about the idea of that sparks warm feelings instead of disappointment. I imagine what his son would look like, a little mini-Jinx, no doubt. I find myself smiling at the thought of it, in spite of how badly it would wreck my life. And just when did I start thinking of him as Jinx instead of Jake?
I stand up and grab the test strip. Two lines slowly emerge. They’re clear as can be, leaving no question in my mind. I’m pregnant with Jinx’s child. Be it a boy or a girl, I’m not getting rid of it. My father will lose his mind. He’ll probablyblame every guy in the club and try to beat the name of the father out of me. If he ever finds out the truth, it’ll be game over for both me and Jinx. He’ll see it as sleeping with the enemy.
I should be panicking right now. Somehow all the worry and fear gets pushed aside, in favor of a stubborn certainty. I’m having this baby. I am not even sorry. I lay my hand against my flat stomach. And for one second, I feel fierce and ready to fight the world for this unexpected child growing in my belly.
Even if I didn’t already have doubts, there’s no way I can go through with the marriage to Stripe now. If he found out I was pregnant with another man’s child, he’d kill me. And the only way to hide the fact is to sleep with him so he might think it’s his. The thought of that disgusts me.
I have to leave. I have a little pile of money from working online gigs. I’m not just running to save myself. I’m running for two now. And I’m not going to let anyone, or anything get in the way.
My father made the mistake of letting me out without a prospect watching over me. This oversight feels like a gift from the gods, so I’m going to make good use of it. I’ve got my cell phone, tablet, charger, and wallet. I’m going to turn off my phone and remove the battery the second I am clear.
I walk out of the pharmacy and get into my car. My father let me have this little used car because a daughter running errands is useful. I’ll eventually have to ditch it because they know the plate number. But it will get me across the county line in the meantime, though only if I’m quick about it.
Knowing I never have to go back to my father’s house is the best feeling in the entire world even though I have no ideawhat the future will bring. I back out of the parking space at the pharmacy and speed away, intent upon putting as much distance between myself and my family as possible. In this moment, I’m freer than I have been in my entire life. No one is looking over my shoulder, telling me what to do, making subtle threats about upholding the family honor or else. It’s just me and a tank of gas and a little one to protect.
I make it almost to the county road before I catch sight of them in the rearview mirror. Two motorcycles with the Hyenas’ logo are speeding up behind me. It’s two prospects from my father’s club, likely the prospects he sent to escort me. They’re riding hard and fast, trying to close the distance between us. I hit the accelerator and speed up. Even though my hands are shaking, I grip the wheel and push the pedal all the way down.
