I propped the brush against the wall and smiled at her. ‘Of course! I like your choice of mug.’
She’d made my drink in a yellow mug with a big daisy on one side and the messageLove you, Mumon the other. It had been a gift for Mother’s Day when she was fourteen and I used to drink from it all the time but, after the troubles began, it disappeared. I’d searched high and low and, months later, I found it pushed to the back of one of the top shelves behind some rarely used loaf tins and a tub of ceramic baking beads. I’d cried when I found it – with relief that it hadn’t got broken or lost and with sadness at the meaning behind deliberately placing it there.
‘I should never have hidden it,’ she said.
I hadn’t expected a confession but I appreciated it. ‘You were hurting. You thought I’d done a terrible thing. Should we sit outside?’
We settled on a grassy patch near the stables and tucked into our butties. I hoped Maddie’s presence today meant she was ready to talk but I knew better than to push it.
‘Did you make these?’ I asked. ‘They’re delicious.’
‘I did them in the oven instead of the grill. I saw a TikTok saying the bacon’s better that way.’
‘I’ve always used the grill but I have to say, this is so much tastier. Thank you.’
‘Tiny bit of ketchup too,’ she said.
‘Exactly how I like it. And I bet you have half a bottle on yours.’
Smiling, she lifted the top of one of her butties, revealing an enormous dollop of the stuff smothering the bacon.
‘That’s so not the way to enjoy a bacon butty,’ I ventured, my tone teasing.
‘It totally is. That pathetic little scraping you have isn’t worth the effort of squeezing the bottle.’
The lightness in her voice made those words sound like playful banter rather than an insult. I’d missed that so much.
‘You look more relaxed today,’ I said.
‘I feel it. Been a tough couple of days… weeks… years!’
I nodded. ‘I’m listening whenever you’re ready to talk.’
‘I’m ready when I’ve finished this.’
The next bite of my butty tasted like heaven, so strong was my relief.
Butties finished and fingers wiped, we remained on the grass, our hands cradled round our mugs.
‘I’ll go backwards,’ Maddie said. ‘Might be easier. You asked where I’ve been and who with. I’ve had quite a few headaches recently and, before you panic, I know it’s cos I was getting no air. I felt so much better after being outside on Saturday morning so I decided to cycle to Rowanbridge after lunch. It was smaller than I expected but it’s cute. I liked the craft huts. I wentto Mapleton next and they had one of those free book libraries so I got a book and sat by the river to read but there was a series of small waterfalls and some ducks swimming near them so I watched them instead.
‘I was going to cycle back to the farm after that but there was a ruined castle and you didn’t have to pay to get in so I sat on a bench in the grounds reading. I completely lost track of time and realised I wasn’t going to make it back for tea so I spent the evening by the river with a packet of crisps and a Crunchie.’
‘Aw, Maddie, you should have just come home.’ The thought of her being all alone with only junk food to eat broke my heart.
‘I was okay. I needed the time to myself to do something I should have done months ago – scroll through my phone and delete all the photos of Carmen and Alfie.’
‘Did that feel good?’
‘It was epic. And then I came back and it felt a bit weird saying I’d spent all that time on my own cos it’s not something I usually do. That thing about going to Willow’s just came out. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied or dropped Willow in it.’
‘Don’t worry about Willow. She has no idea you told me you were with her.’
Maddie gave me a grateful smile before continuing. ‘On Sunday, I checked out Birchwood Rigg and watched the train then cycled round the countryside just thinking. I was hoping to make some decisions about what to do next cos there’s no way I’ll get the grades for York or Warwick, but I couldn’t get my head sorted.’
I felt a flicker of disappointment that she’d explored the whole of Triple Trees without me. I’d hoped we’d do that together. I hadn’t really had the time but, if Maddie had expressed even the slightest bit of interest, I’d have found some. I wasn’t going to voice my thoughts, though. The most importantthing here was that she’d been interested enough to get out and explore and – bonus – she hadn’t hated it.
‘Anyway, Hunter messaged me to say he was going to a pub for a mate’s birthday and, cos he knew I didn’t know anyone round here, he thought it’d be a chance to meet some people my age. He picked me up at the track end and dropped me off there afterwards. He wasn’t drinking, by the way.’
