‘If I hadn’t worn your jacket…’
I shook my head. ‘If Ned’s meeting hadn’t finished early, if Maddie hadn’t gone into Reading with Carmen, if you’d kissed Ned on another street, if it had been five minutes earlier or later… If any one of those seemingly insignificant details had changed the outcome would have been different. The importantthing is I now finally know why Maddie has been foul to me and we can put it behind us and move on.’
My fear was whether Maddie would be able to do that. While the mistaken identity was understandable and explained so much, there was no getting away from how problematic her behaviour had been. She’d made a conscious decision to believe that it was me kissing Ned and that I could do something like that to Laurie. She’d then chosen to act the way she had and it had been incredibly hurtful to be on the receiving end of her comments and attitude. She’d chosen to hate me – or certainly act as though she did. I loved her and wanted our relationship back on track so I could put this aside, but could she forgive herself now that she knew I’d done nothing to deserve her wrath?
36
When I went downstairs the following morning, I’d hoped to find Maddie waiting for me in the kitchen like she had on Saturday morning, but all was quiet. I waited for five minutes but, with no sounds of anyone moving about upstairs, I took the dogs outside.
The forecast was for another beautiful sunny day and, despite the air already feeling warm, I felt chilled to the bone. Mam had returned to the kitchen last night, shaking her head. Through her tears, Maddie had told Mam that she was devastated to have jumped to the wrong conclusion and the impact of that on everyone but it was all too overwhelming right now. She needed to be left alone for the rest of the evening and possibly even the rest of the week to sort through the tangle of feelings.
None of us liked the idea of her hiding away in her bedroom crying her heart out but we had to respect her wishes. Putting ourselves in her shoes at her age, we concluded we’d probably feel the same. But I had held out some hope that, after the initial shock had worn off, she’d be eager to make amends. Having said that, if she had joined me first thing, we couldn’t have talked asWillow would be around. Perhaps she’d wait until after Willow’s shift and we could talk before the farm opened for visitors.
* * *
Day two at Hazelwick Farm Animal Encounters saw double the visitor numbers. Our first customers had had the farm recommended by a neighbour several years ago for if they ever had grandchildren so they’d brought their young grandson with them. Sisters Becca and Gabby returned with a couple of friends and their small children and they all had lunch, keeping Mam and Willow occupied for a while. A woman who looked to be in her sixties came by herself in the afternoon but clearly wanted to spend quiet time with the horses rather than chat, and we had a young couple with a toddler arrive mid-afternoon. They were staying in a static caravan on the coast and had found our website after searching online for things to do with young children in the area.
‘Verdict on day two?’ Jude asked as we leaned against the gate to Big Field. There was still an hour until we closed but everyone had left and we doubted there’d be any more visitors.
‘Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and there’s excellent feedback on the food. Lindon’s obviously got the techie wizardry right on the website if it came up in that couple’s search, so that’s good.’
‘But…?’ she prompted and I knew why. The delivery of my summary had been close to monotone.
‘It isn’t a but about the farm… or is it?’
Jude unlatched the gate, pushed it open and swooped her hand, indicating that I should step into the pasture.
‘Therapy time,’ she declared. ‘This is your talent – not mine – but I’ll do my best. Choose your horse.’
Demeter, our grey Shire horse, was nearby, looking at us curiously. Having spent so much time in their company over the past fortnight, I’d already earmarked her as one of my favourites for when I launched animal-assisted therapy. She had the most patient temperament and every move she made was soft and gentle. I stood still, my eyes fixed on hers. She took a few steps closer so I did the same and we repeated that until I was beside her.
‘Hi, Demeter,’ I said, stroking her neck.
She released a soft whinny before turning and placing her head against me. I stopped stroking but kept my hand on her neck, my head against hers, and closed my eyes. Breathing in and out slowly, I focused on the warmth of her body, the softness of her hair, the tranquillity of our surroundings and, pretty soon, a feeling of peace flowed through me.
‘Tell me what you’re thinking,’ Jude asked when I opened my eyes.
‘So many things.’ My head had been a jumble of them but a few minutes with Demeter and I could think so much straighter now. ‘The main thing is I’m worried about Maddie.’
None of us had seen her today. I’d gone over to the farmhouse at lunchtime but found a note on the kitchen table saying she’d gone for a bike ride on her own and would be back for tea. There’d been no indication of how she was feeling but I took the act of leaving a note – and the information within it – as a sign that she’d listened yesterday, had learned from it and was willing to turn over a new leaf.
‘That’s understandable after what happened yesterday,’ Jude said. ‘Anything in particular?’
‘Just a general worrying about how she’s coping with the fallout. I know there’s nothing I can do about it until she’s ready to talk so I should let it go, but it’s not easy knowing she’sblaming herself for this mess. I’m hoping she’ll talk and then let us all draw a line under it and start over.’
‘So a bit of patience is going to be needed there. What else is on your mind?’
‘Laurie. For a fleeting moment yesterday, I thought I’d discovered the reason why he’d left me – that he thought I’d cheated on him. But Maddie didn’t show him the video and, if she had, he’d have confronted me about it.’
Jude nodded. ‘Especially if he’d recognised Ned.’
I stepped back so I could stroke Demeter’s back. ‘I wish I could let go of this but I can’t. I need a reason and I know there has to be one because it’s Laurie we’re talking about. He never does anything without there being a valid reason – it’s the way his logical mind works.’
‘Yeah, I agree with you there. Something has to have happened and he’ll have analysed it and made a considered decision based on that.’
‘But what?’ I asked, shrugging. ‘I’ve been mulling over that university bubble thing and I’ve had another thought. Do you think Laurie could have been more affected by Adrian’s death than he let on?’
Jude’s brow creased. ‘It’s possible. They were really close. But how would you go from that to him leaving you?’
