‘That’s pathetic little boy’s logic,’ I said, shaking my head in disgust.
‘Carmen didn’t even try to apologise but Alfie kept begging me to take him back. As if! If only I’d stuck to that.’ She sighed heavily. ‘Do you remember me going to Hattie Johnson’s party?’
‘I do.’ Hattie had been one of Maddie’s closest friends when she started senior school but they’d drifted apart so I’d been surprised when Maddie announced that she’d been invited to a party and sleepover at Hattie’s over Easter. Unless…
‘You went to Alfie’s instead?’ I asked.
‘God, no! Hattie knew about Alfie and Carmen – everyone did – and she felt sorry for me. She promised neither of them would be at her party so I decided to go cos I needed some new friends to hang out with but it was really hard. They were all in their friendship groups and I was on the outside of things, so I had a few drinks.’
I raised my eyebrows, stunned to hear that. Maddie had never shown any interest in alcohol and could get preachy about the state she’d seen people her age get into when under the influence.
Feeling lonely at the party, she’d drunk-messaged Alfie saying she wished he was there and she missed him. So of course he turned up and, by then, she was even more inebriated. She flung her arms round him, they started kissing, she led him up toan empty bedroom for some privacy and, in her addled state, it went a lot further than she’d intended.
My heart pounded. ‘Are you saying it wasn’t consensual?’
She hesitated before shaking her head. ‘It was what I wanted at the time and Alfie did check I was 100 per cent sure. Afterwards, he said he wanted us to get back together but I said he had to end it with Carmen for me to even consider that. He wouldn’t do that and that’s when I regretted what we’d done.’
I grimaced at that but I didn’t say anything. She’d already discovered the dangers of drunk texting and the dubious choice of letting a cheater back into her life so she didn’t need me to point that out.
‘I couldn’t wait for the exams to end so I’d be done with sixth form and never have to see either of them again,’ she said. ‘But then I realised my periods had stopped and it looked like I was gonna be left with more than a bad memory of a crap first time.’
‘Why didn’t you take the morning-after pill?’
‘I did but I don’t usually drink, do I? So I spent the next day throwing up and found out too late that the pill doesn’t work if you don’t keep it down.’
‘Is thinking you were pregnant the reason you told me you weren’t going to university?’ I asked.
‘Obviously.’ She bit her lip. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound sarcastic. Itwasthat, but also cos I think I messed up my exams with being so stressed out about being pregnant.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this?’
‘I thought you’d be raging with me.’
‘I’m not mad at you for having sex with Alfie. I do remember being your age and wanting to know what it was all about. Iammad at Alfie though. He knew you didn’t drink and that, under the influence, you weren’t fully in control of what you were saying and doing. So, even though you say it was consensual, he still took advantage. Is that a fair point?’
She nodded. ‘I just want to forget about it and him.’
‘Well, now you can, especially given the test results. If it had gone the other way, I hope you know that I’d have been there for you. But having a baby is life-changing whatever age you are and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved for you.’
And myself, although I’d never share that with her. Being a parent was hard, especially when trying to have a career too, which was why Maddie had no siblings. As a single teenage parent, Maddie would have needed help from me and that wouldn’t have been easy while trying to build a business from scratch. And what about Mam? She was an incredible nanna and had been a willing babysitter for Lola and Max but a couple of nights caring for her grandchildren was a world away from living permanently with a newborn great-grandchild.
‘Actually, Iammad at you,’ I said. ‘Not for what happened with you and Alfie – I think you’re punishing yourself enough for that – but for the way you’ve behaved. I understand you were anxious and presumably scared about the future but that only accounts for a couple of months of challenging behaviour. What about the rest of the time? You’ve got to stop acting like you hate the world. Your nanna and I don’t deserve all the attitude. We both want the old Maddie back and I know she’s in there. I can pinpoint the change to when you started sixth form so is there anything else that happened then that you want to talk about?’
Maddie shrugged.
‘Come on, Maddie. There has to be something and I can’t imagine it’s as hard to say as what you’ve already shared with me.’
She shrugged once more and I realised I wasn’t going to get anything more out of her today.
‘I’m not bringing it up for you but, if you want the remote control, it’s in the bookshelf drawers in the lounge. I’ll let you have this morning to yourself but you’re not staying in yourbedroom all day. You need to get some fresh air, explore the farm. Can you do that?’
She nodded.
‘Good. And no pressure to make any decisions today but you’ll also need to have a think about what you want to do next. You could still go to university, you know.’
‘I messed up my exams. I told you that already.’
‘You don’t know for sure until you get the results and, even then, it’s not over. Even if you haven’t got the grades for York, you might have got into Warwick.’
