“There’s nothing for you here, either.” He forced himself to be brutal, tamping down a crazy surge of pleasure that she wanted to stay.
He’d never be able to build a future in this country unless there was at least an ocean between them. Otherwise she’d be too much temptation.
“What about you? Where will you go once you’ve seen me to safety? Will you continue on to Holyoke?”
Questions and more questions. She seemed determined to torture him today.
“I doubt it.” Holyoke was ruined for him now, no matter what happened. “As you pointed out earlier, Sutcliffe might decide I haven’t earned it.”
She bit her bottom lip. “What if I am pregnant? Will you take your prize and walk away? What about your son or daughter? Will you abandon your child the way your father abandoned you?”
She was right. So heartbreakingly right. He couldn’t bear the thought of leaving his child to grow up without him.
He closed his eyes against the sight of her. “What would you have me do? There was a time back on the ship when I thought you were worth fighting for. I thought we’d found something rare and wonderful. I planned to tell you the truth and beg you to forgive me.”
“What made you change your mind about me? About us?”
He shook his head, refusing to look at her, knowing if he met her earnest green gaze he would shatter into a million pieces. “It was your reaction to Daniel’s letter. Your lack of faith in me. We could try to start over again, but it would never be the same.”
“I understand why you don’t want me anymore, but I never thought you were the kind of man who would walk away from your own child.” Kate’s voice broke. She curled in on herself, pulling the blankets up around her shoulders. “You’d be the kind of father neither of us had. You’d be stern yet loving. You’d give piggyback rides and read stories…”
Her words painted such a sweet picture. He thought of her growing up alone and unloved in that dreary mausoleum of a house, dreaming of a father who’d give her piggyback rides and read to her before she went to bed at night.
His throat tightened with emotion.God, I can’t do this. He couldn’t remain aloof, couldn’t pretend the mere thought of losing her wasn’t killing him.
“I don’t want you to raise our child without me. I never wanted that.” He put his head in his hands and rubbed his aching temples. “Holyoke wasn’t the reason I seduced you. It was never about land, never about money.”
He could sense her stillness. Her whole being was attuned to him, and he realized how much she’d been longing to hear what he was about to say.
“I know. I’m sorry for all the things I’ve said. I was just so hurt, so frightened.”
Her words gave him the absolution he’d been waiting for. No matter what happened, he wanted her to know what had motivated him, wanted her to know how much had been at stake.
He lifted his head, meeting her gaze. In her eyes, he saw such trust, such love. For the first time, he dared to hope she might be able to forgive him.
“I’ll tell you everything. As long as you come over here and let me hold you while I talk.” It was a big gamble, and for a moment he thought it had been a foolish one to take. She stared at him for a long, long moment then stood and crossed to his side, sinking to her knees in the sand beside him.
