I needed something, something I could trust. My hand came up before I even really decided to do it. Fingers digging into the skin of my arm, hard, nails dragging down with enough force to tear through the surface.
I sucked in a breath through my teeth, body reacting on instinct, shoulders tensing as that familiar sting spread under my skin. Real. I looked down, saw it, felt it, and then looked back at him. Because if this was real, if I was awake, if I wasn’t dreaming, then what the fuck washedoing here?
I just stood there, staring at him, something unreadable pulling across my face now, something caught between confusion and something darker starting to rise underneath it.
“... What are you?”
It slipped out before I could stop it. He didn’t even blink. He just sat there and looked at me like I was the one being slow, like I’d missed something obvious, something so fucking obvious it almost made him bored. Then he tilted his head a little, like he used to do when I wasn’t getting it fast enough.
“Did it really never cross your mind?”
His voice never rose, and somehow that made every word hit harder.
“You didn’t question it… not once?”A breath, short, almost a laugh, but there was nothing funny in it.“Of course you didn’t.”
His eyes moved over my face, slow, like he was taking something apart piece by piece.
“It's kind of hard to notice anything when you spend all your time hating what you are. You’ve made a habit out of avoiding yourself.”
Something in my chest locked up, like my body had already figured it out and was just waiting for my head to catch the fuck up. He didn’t say more, didn’t explain anything, he just tipped his chin toward the sink. No. I didn’t move, my feet stayed planted like the floor had closed around them, because I already knew. Notwhat,but enough to know I didn’t want to see it.
“Look.”
My jaw tightened so hard it hurt as I pushed myself, every step felt wrong, like I was walking into something I couldn’t undo once I saw it. The metal sink came into view first, dull and scratched. The kind of surface that had seen too much and didn’t care. I stopped right in front of it, didn’t look up, just stared down into it like maybe I could stay there. Like maybe if I didn’t lift my eyes, nothing would change and for a second, I almost turned around.
Instead, I glanced back at the corner, but he was gone and it made something snap inside my head. My head jerked up, scanning the cell like that would do anything, like he’d just be standing somewhere else, like I’d somehow missed him. I turned too fast and looked straight into the mirror and everything just stopped, because it wasn’t my face staring back, it was him.
Zwierek stood there in the reflection, eyes locked onto mine.
The air in my lungs turned useless, trapped somewhere behind my ribs while my eyes stayed fixed on the mirror. Because he wasn’t standing beside me. He wasn’t behind me. The room was empty. Only the reflection moved. Zwierek stood inside the mirror staring straight at me, that smile dragging slowly across his face like he already knew exactly what this would do to me, and somewhere deep in my chest, something finally gave way so violently I thought I felt it tear.
The Quietus
Chapter 46
The mirror didn’t lie, that was the problem.
It just stood there, dull metal, scratched to shit, catching the light in all the wrong ways, and still, it gave me back exactly what was there.
Only one. Only me.
I couldn’t move, I didn’t even blink. Because if I moved, if Itested it,then it would settle into something real and I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready to admit that the space behind me was empty even though I could stillfeelhim there, like a pressure just out of reach, like something that had been standing there at my shoulder for so long my body refused to accept it was gone. I lifted my hand, slow, and the reflection followed. No delay.
“No…”
It came out cracked, barely there. It wasn’t denial exactly, more like… refusal. Like if I said it quietly enough, it wouldn’t count. Because I knew him, Iknewhim. I knew the way he looked at me when I hesitated, that slight tilt of his head, the way his voice dropped when he wanted something to sink in, the way he stood just behind me when things got bad, as if he was always one step away from stepping in, from taking over, from doing what needed to be done when I couldn’t. That doesn’t come from nowhere, that doesn’t just… appear.
My stomach twisted hard enough that I had to grab the edge of the sink. Cold metal dug into my palms. Real, way too fucking real. Everything slammed back into me at once. No order, just violent flashes hitting faster than my head could keep up with.
The door, locked, the sound of it clicking shut from the outside while I stood there staring at the wood, waiting for something that never came.
The forest, hours of it, days. Sitting there, talking, no,listening,learning, being shaped, being told what mattered, what didn’t, what I had to become if I wanted to survive what was waiting for me outside of it. I could still hear it, clear as anything, every word, every lesson. But… There was never anyone else.
My grip tightened on the sink until my knuckles burned.
“No.”This time louder.
Bartosz. The night I killed him.
