That part of you that doesn’t want to stop once it starts. That part that wants to push further than it should. That doesn’t understand restraint the way everyone else pretends to. Don’t look away from it and don’t you fucking dare clean it up. That anger in you, that raw, ugly, unfiltered thing, you should treat it like something sacred, because it’s one of the only honest things you have.
I can see it, that’s why you’re still here, that’s why you’re still listening to me after everything. Because something in you recognizes it, recognizesme.And don’t try to pretend it doesn’t go deeper than that, because I can feel the way you look at me, the way you take all of this. The blood, the violence, the rot, and twist it into something you can hold without choking on it.
Go on, do it.
Dress me up in something softer, call it intensity, call it obsession, you can call it whatever makes it easier for you to keep coming back, but don’t forget what’s underneath, because I’m still the same thing no matter how you wrap it.
Silk doesn’t change what it’s covering, it just makes it easier to touch.
And you still do, don’t you?
You still reach, even now, that’s what I don’t let go of. Because I don’t want the version of you that pretends to be clean, I don’twant the parts you show the world. I want the parts you hide, the parts that don’t behave, the parts that would look at me,like this,and not walk away. If you want me, you don’t get to separate it. You don’t get me without everything that made me, and I don’t take you without the darkness you keep buried so deep you almost forgot it was there, that’s not how this works. And don’t misunderstand me, I know this isn’t gentle, when I want something, I don’t touch it lightly. I don’t hover at the surface and pretend that’s enough. I take, I consume.
That’s what true desire is, whether people admit it or not.
The only difference between something that feels like love and something that destroys you is how far it goes, how deep it sinks in before it stops being something you can control, and I don’t stop. That’s the truth you are very much aware of and keep circling without saying out loud. Because devotion, even that, turns into something violent in me. It always has, always will and you still stay. That’s the part that should truly scare you, but it doesn’t; instead, it pulls you closer.
So stay, little Ghost. Stay right there and keep looking at me like that.
Keep pretending you don’t understand exactly what you’re stepping into. Because I do and I’m not letting you go.
The Assessment
Chapter 41
PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION REPORT
(Translated from original Polish document)
Subject:Rowan [REDACTED]
Case Reference:[REDACTED]
Date of Evaluation:[REDACTED]
Time:[REDACTED]
Evaluating Psychologist:
Dr. Michal Kaczmarek, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
1. REASON FOR REFERRAL
The subject, Rowan [REDACTED], was referred for a compulsory psychological evaluation following judicial order. The evaluation was mandated due to the nature of the alleged offense involving the desecration of human remains, as well as the subject’s complete refusal to cooperate verbally during police questioning.
2. PROCEDURE
The evaluation was conducted under controlled conditions within the detention facility. Multiple attempts were made to establish verbal communication with the subject. These attempts were unsuccessful.
The subject did not respond to direct questioning, clarification prompts, or alternative communication methods. Silence was maintained throughout the entirety of the session.
Observations are therefore based exclusively on behavioral, physiological, and non-verbal indicators.
3. GENERAL OBSERVATIONS
The subject presented in a physically stable condition. Posture was rigid, though not defensive in a conventional sense. Movements were minimal and appeared intentional rather than restrained.
