Since Jules’ taxi, specifically.
‘Because you did it all last night, and all this morning. Just like mom. Just like Maleja. Just like Espy. Just like?—’
‘I think we have a right to know, Tiago, why Jules left so suddenly, and why you’ve been this moody, silent… pain in the ass. And I especially have a right to know why you cut my vacation week short and forced us to go to Belgium early. What the hell happened on that boat?’
I rest my chin on my balled-up fist.‘Nada.’Nothing I’m going to share with you and your big mouth, that’s for sure.
‘What did you do?’
I point my angriest glare at her and she doesn’t wince. ‘Why would you assume I did something?’
She folds her arms and gives me a look that says,Yeah, right.
I didn’t?—
Well, maybe a little.
Urgh, Jules just makes me so crazy! I was upset and I pushed her too far and it all spilled out and now…
Now I feel like my insides are shredded to pieces. There’s an ache in my chest that’s making it hard to breathe. I’m living in the third person, my one hour of sleep dulling all five senses.
Why did I have to force her into theWhat are wetalk? What made me think it’d go down remotely well? She’s still hellbent on cuffing Tom. There’s no room for feelings in her relationships. Stupid, idiot, fool.
What if this is it? What if she never speaks to me again? This the longest we’ve ever gone without some form of communication. Even in the early days, we’d send voice notes about work. Knowing her name might never pop up on my screen again makes me feel… completely lost.
I dig my fingers into my eye sockets. ‘Isa, I don’t know what to do.’
And it all spills out.
As I come to the end of my story, Isa ejects out of her seat, trapped in place only by her safety belt. ‘You compared her to the Great Wall ofChina?’
‘Don’t say it like that!’
‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘She won’t let me in! She likes me back, I know she does, but she won’t say it. Do you know how frustrating that is? What am I supposed to do?’
‘Why are you so incapable of keeping your feelings to yourself, Santiago? You don’t need to tell everyone everything all the time.’
‘I did! I think I’ve shown remarkable restraint. I knew I liked her inSpain. That’s nearly two whole months ago! That date was by far the best date of my life.’
‘You know the other person has to know it’s a date for it to be a date. Consent and all that.’
‘Shut up.’ I sigh and rub my forehead. ‘Also, how does Jules know about me going cold turkey?’ I scowl at her; this has chatty little sister written all over it.
‘Are you kidding me? It’s not like it’s a secret. It’s all the paddock could talk about in spring. The gossip accounts have resorted to making up rumours about Jack and Minnie being on the rocks.’
I guess that makes sense. Why didn’t Jules bring it up before? The idea that I’ll never know because I might never speak to her again spears me like a red-hot poker.
How do I make things right? She’ll be back in London by now but I doubt she’d pick up my call. It’s not like we’ll bump into each other in Belgium – I have a fixed, well-documented schedule. If she wanted to avoid me, she easily could.
I don’t even know what I’d say if I saw her. My feelings are out in the ether; it’s not like I can claw them back. I can only apologise for how I hurled them at her. Oh, and for calling her untouchable. And comparing her to an ancient wall. Isa’s right, I’d have slapped me too.
‘So you wanna, like, date Jules then?’ asks Isa, scooping her hair into a ponytail.
‘That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!’
‘Like, really? You want her to be your girlfriend?’
