They stood up, Thane mumbling something about having to go out and gather some firewood while War checked the perimeter before we settled in for the night. They were obviously giving us some space, and I appreciated that, though it wasn’t necessary.
When we were alone, I scooted off of the chair and joined Gareth on the shaggy rug, leaning against the footrest. Gareth shifted to make room for me before placing his massive head on my lap. My heart hammered as I stroked his fur. What was I supposed to say to him? Was it even my place to say anything at all? What happened between us didn’t mean we were mates or even acouple. We never actually talked about it. It didn’t give me the right to pry into his life. But weren’t our lives intertwined now?
Taking a deep, long breath, I stared into the fire, listening to the logs crackling, the gentle purr emanating from Gareth, and the beating of my heart in my ears.
“It’s funny,” I said, my voice not much more than a whisper, even though we were the only ones there. “I never had a problem with small spaces before I was taken.” I watched the dancing flames as they moved almost hypnotically. “I was a city girl, and I did whatever the fuck I wanted. I used to drag Serenity to Darkling nightclubs, even though she fought me every time. I’d dance with strangers until I couldn’t feel my feet, and sometimes I’d let them take me home and fuck me.”
A low growl filled the room, and I paused. Gareth was incredibly still but had yet to try and leave, so I took that as my cue to keep talking. “Man, woman, neither, both... It never mattered. I just wanted to be free.” I thought back to those days and smiled. She was another person entirely. Just a memory now. “My parents were strict like Serenity’s. They never gave me permission to do anything that wasn’t approved by both of them. But aside from protecting their fucking fabricated image, I was also forbidden to associate with Darklings. I couldn't even go to college while living under their roof. I was stifled. Every fucking day of my life.” Those days were like a fever dream now.
“So, I left. One day, it was just too much. I realized that if I didn’t leave right then, that I might never have the chance. I waited until they left town for one of the Harker’s charity events that I wasn't allowed to go to. I packed all my shit and left that night, and I just never came back. I didn’t share their fucked-up, backward ideology. Darklings weren’t myenemies. So I dove headfirst into activism. Whatever I could do to undermine the damage my family did to Noc City.”
Anger welled up inside me, even after all this time. Every time I thought about the scars my family left on my city and the lives they ruined, I felt sick.
“Finding out my dad was a shifter the entire time took me by fucking surprise, though,” I said with a dark chuckle, shaking my head. “And Uncle Ryan being a literal vampire before he fucked with his own DNA out of some sense of misguided shame? It sounds like a bad soap opera plot.” I leaned my head back against the chair and stared up at the shadows as they danced on the ceiling. “But I'm glad that serum shit unlocked my wolf. At least one good thing came out of all this. If it wasn’t for that, I honestly don’t think I would have made it out of my own head. It was the safest place for me to hide for all those weeks in that cell. The only place that witch bitch couldn’t touch me.”
A twig popped outside the window, but I sensed their presence before I even started speaking. Thane and War were listening in just outside, like the sneaky little spies they were. I rolled my eyes, not even surprised. They probably hadn’t even gathered firewood or checked the perimeter yet. I was tempted to call them out on it and just invite them back inside, but I couldn’t risk Gareth getting angry. This was progress. He was calm, and he was listening.
“I don’t like feeling trapped anymore. I don't like the high walls that surround the city. I don’t like my bedroom window back at my dorm that won't open.” Not that I would ever return to college or my dorm. Not that I'd ever return to that life again. " But I love the feel of the wind in my fur and the soil under my paws. When I’m out there in the trees and mountains, I feel like no one can ever trap me again. Not if I outrun them. Not if they can never catch me. I think I mightunderstand why you choose to stay in wolf form. Maybe it’s something I should consider.”
Gareth moved, startling me. I sat up straighter as he pivoted to face me, sitting back on his haunches. He was so large in his wolf form that he towered over me, roughly the size of a small horse. His snout was close to my face as he stared at me, those animal eyes hiding a depth that I couldn't even fathom. Centuries of pain, anguish, and longing. I felt like an inexperienced child compared to these men sometimes.
His warm tongue touched my cheek, licking up a single tear that slid down my face before I even realized it. With a shuddering breath, I blinked up at him, wiping away any more that threatened to fall.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get all blubbery. I just haven’t really talked about any of this until now. Serenity tries her best, but she’s going through the shame shit. Reaching out, I laid a palm against his wolfy cheek. “And you, too. I can’t even imagine...” He turned away, closing his eyes.
“It’s alright, you know,” I whispered so that only he could hear. And maybe Warrik outside with his super vamp hearing, but mostly just for Gareth. He turned back to look at me, and the sheer weight of his sadness hit me square in the chest. “I know you didn’t love Savannah. I know that, but on some cosmic level, you were connected to her, and that means something. She’s gone, and you shouldn’t have to feel ashamed because your heart is broken.”
He stilled, but didn’t look away or deny it. He didn’t have to. I could feel how broken he was, and it made my own heart ache for him. It made me rage inside. It made me want to turn my back on Selene herself for putting him through this kind of pain. But why did I feel this way? Why did I care so much? Gareth and I were… Well, I wasn’t sure what we were, but we were something. Something I didn’t have a name for. But what I knew for a fact was that he’d somehow wormed his way beneath my skin, and I had no interest in resisting it anymore.
Warmth coveredmy back as the mattress shifted beneath me. Groggily, I cracked my eyes open, blinking at the barely-there pink and orange hues of the early morning sunrise streaming through the window.
I stilled as a heavy hand skimmed along the curve of my hip, and the feel of long hair grazed the back of my neck. Chills rose along my skin when his lips touched the shell of my ear. I didn’t move. I could barely breathe…barely think.
“My heart didn’t break because of Savannah,” Gareth whispered hoarsely, as if he’d gone much too long without using his human voice. I swallowed thickly as his hand traveled higher until his fingers settled in the curve of my waist, tugging me closer against him. “It broke because the exact moment my connection to her was severed, all I could think about was the fact that I was finally free.” His voice wobbled as he said it, and his fingers tightened. “How sad is it that all I wanted in that moment was to hold you and not her? To kiss you, and not her. To…” His voice broke fully as a barely audible sob worked its way out.
I held my breath as he leaned his forehead against my shoulder, his breaths rising and falling unevenly as he tried to hold it together. Gareth was balancing on the edge of a cliff, and all it could take to send him toppling over was one wrong word from me.
“I hate myself for being relieved that she’s gone. It’s not fair that all I see when I close my eyes are your eyes and nothers.” He pulled me closer against him and held me tight enough to hurt. But I didn't want him to let me go. Not ever. Once again, his breath hit the shell of my ear, and I closed my eyes tightly. “I’ve been falling in love with you since before we came to Sol. Before I even realized what I was feeling. I think I’ve loved you from the moment Merrick and I took you from that facility and brought you home. The very second you looked up at me with those big, green eyes, you were so full of trust that I never deserved. You held onto me like your whole existence depended on it. Like I was the savior you’d been waiting for. I loved you that day and every fucking day since, and I've hated myself for it. Because I’m not worthy of that trust. I’m not worthy of the way you looked at me, and I don't think I'll ever be.”
7
“The connection wasspotty all the way out here, but I managed to get a hold of August,” War said by way of greeting as I groggily stumbled into the kitchen in need of coffee. His words seemed to do the trick instead, perking me right up, though I still eyed the delicious liquid in Thane’s mug in front of him.
“Is Serenity okay? And Sean?” I asked a little too quickly, rounding the kitchen island and planting myself in front of the massive vampire. It took me a moment to register the fact that he was shirtless, clad in only a pair of black workout shorts and runners.
My eyes traveled over the length of him appreciatively, admiring the sheer size of him. War wasthiccin a way that made my whole body tingle. He wasn’t overly sculpted, but he was powerful and strong. Warmth pooled in my belly, and I momentarily forgot that I was waiting for him to answer me.
The corner of his mouth twitched as hetried to hide a grin. He stepped forward, setting down his own mug, which I could smell was filled with cold animal blood. His palms closed in on either side of my head, cupping my cheeks. “My eyes are up here.”
My whole body flushed with awareness; the wolf under my skin was prowling and hungry. I smirked up at him. “But there’s so much to look at down here.” Reaching out, I laid a hand on his abdomen. His muscles flexed under my touch as he laughed.
“Bloody hell, will you two let me finish my breakfast before you start dry humping each other in the kitchen?” Thane slurped his coffee with unnecessary dramatics.
“Someone’s grumpy this morning,” I mused with a raised brow.
He let go of my face and glared at his brother. “He’s just pissed because he had to do some actual work today.
Thane made a nagging motion with his hand as War spoke. “Yes, yes, we all know how much the famous Executioner glorifies the laboring of the masses in service of the state.” My eyes bounced between them. “To answer your original question before your mind wandered like the dirty girl you are… Yes, your cousins are safe and sound.” I gave him a look, but breathed out a sigh of relief.
