I wanted her to take it back.
I wanted everything to vanish and to rewind this moment to some version of reality where those words had never been spoken. The warmth between us disappeared, a deep flush crept up my neck and face, and I was suddenly grateful for the darkness. With a monumental effort, I took a step away from her.
“I see.” It was all I could manage.
I had never met Little John’s family, but in my mind, Peter took shape at once. He was likely a younger version of Little John, probably taller and stronger than I was, who already had the instant approval of every person in Sherwood Forest. He would’ve grown up beside Laurel. They would have years of shared memories together, from childhood games and familiar jokes to all the pieces of her life I had never been invited to see. Peter wasn’t stained by the name Blackwellson. Peter wouldn’t have to carry the shame of being one of the most hated men in all of England. Robin Hood would never hesitate before trusting him with his daughter.
James had once told me Little John had a son who had been rather aggressive about making a play for Laurel. Had he been waiting all this time for her? Was he gloating now, telling everyone that Laurel had finally chosen him?
Peter had to be a thousand times worse than Leopold ever was.
Laurel took several breaths as though she meant to speak, but no words came. Part of me wanted to ask everything. Why? Did she care for him? Had she gone to Sherwood and found that being with him felt easier than being with me? Another part of me didn’t want to know a single detail. The thought of Laurel with anyone else caused pain to flare inside me, as if the wound she had left behind had been torn open all over again.
“We aren’t together,” Laurel said defensively.
Did she mean she and I weren’t together, so she had been free to kiss whomever she wished? Or did she mean she and Peter were not together now? I had no idea how to respond. I took another step away.
“I didn’t want there to be any secrets between us, like you said,” Laurel went on, a slight pleading in her voice. “You told me you didn’t want secrets.”
If I opened my mouth, I would say something I would regret later. All this time, I’d been hoping she and I could get back together and patiently waiting for her to take the time she needed, and she’d run off and kissed someone else. Apparently I didn’t mean as much to her as I’d hoped if I was so easily replaced.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
Again, I gritted my teeth and didn’t answer. How could she not mean to? It wasn’t like people just slipped and fell onto each other’s faces.
“We’ll need to find Prince John’s battle plans for when Richard gets here,” I said. My voice came out harsher and gruffer than I intended, and Laurel’s face fell. “He keeps them locked in his desk and he hasn’t shown me yet.”
“I can break in,” Laurel offered. “But not if he’s sitting there. I’d have to do it at night.”
“His bedroom is right next to his office.”
“Then I’ll have to be very quiet.” She hesitated then added, “Baron, about Peter?—”
“Please, don’t.” I took a steading breath. I couldn’t go through another argument again. It was once again late at night, emotions were high, and it wouldn’t end well.
For once, she didn’t argue. Her eyes lowered and she nodded.
“So…so when are you planning to break into his desk?” I asked, not because I wanted her to, but because I wanted to talk about anything other than Peter. “Surely not right now.”
“No, I’ll do it tomorrow night.”
“I could do it instead of you. He’ll likely give me the battle plans in a few weeks, anyway.”
She shook her head. “We need more time to prepare than a day or two. I’ll do it. Besides, you can’t sneak around without arousing suspicion, and…and you’re more valuable where youare. A maid can be easily replaced. The Sheriff of Nottingham can’t be.”
“That’s not?—”
“We both know it’s true.”
I blew out air. “Fine,” I said. “I was going out to survey the land around the castle tomorrow and the next day anyway. I’ll be camping there and I’ll send James to meet you halfway.” I hesitated then added, “It’ll be dangerous. If you’re seen?—”
“I won’t be.” She held my gaze for a long time, staring defiantly back as though daring me to criticize her. I wanted so badly to warn her to be careful and to tell her to stay safe.
“Just don’t die,” I finally said.
“I’m not planning on it,” she said, then walked out of the stables.
I remained where I was, listening to her footsteps fade.
