I stepped back, my heels sinking into the snow. I didn’t know how to say goodbye.I…I have to—
Andahai let out a squawk and pushed me toward Takkan.Go to the festival,he was motioning.Go, go.
I looked at him in surprise. Of all my brothers, he was the one I least expected to sympathize.
They say Hasho needs time to rest,conveyed Kiki as Benkai gave me his blessing with a lifted wing.And that it wouldn’t hurt to stay in the fortress a few more hours. Besides, if Takkan’s news about Lord Yuji is true, they need to strategize their return more carefully.
Andahai stepped forward, and from inside my sleeve, Kiki communicated his instructions:Meet us here again tonight after Bushi’an Takkan leaves.
I promised. With a trembling heart, I hugged my brothers and turned to Takkan. He was watching, his head tilted at an inquisitive angle. But he said nothing, honorably keeping his promise not to ask about my past.
They’re special to me,I explained with a wave to the cranes. I placed my hands over my chest as they flew away.They’re my brothers.
As I rode back with Takkan to the castle, I wondered just how much he understood.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
I donned my best robe, a scarlet one patterned with peonies and kingfishers, and put on my warmest gloves. Except for the bowl on my head, I almost looked like my old self.
I slung my satchel over my shoulder, further compromising the effect. Scratched and water-stained, it ruined any semblance of elegance I might have had. Something Zairena pointed out as soon as she encountered me on the castle stairs.
She wrinkled her nose. “Must you carry that bag at your hip everywhere you go?”
Normally I would have left it in my room to avoid interactions like this, but I was leaving after the festival. I wouldn’t have time to return to the castle.
I shrugged, slipping my scarf inside as if that would explain away her questions.
Zairena clicked her tongue. Instead of her mourning robes, she wore a pale indigo gown, with pink inner robes elegantly matching her sash and cuffs. Fox furs wrapped her shoulders, and her ivory gloves peeked out of bell sleeves as she raised her lantern, tilting its flame close to my satchel.
“Here, carry this instead.” Zairena offered me her silk purse. It was the same red as my robe, with swirls of gold embroidery woven into its lustrous fabric.
“Don’t be such a mouse, Lina. At least try it.”
Before I could stop her, she exchanged my satchel for her purse. “See what a difference such a little thing makes? You look almost pretty, even with that bowl on your head.”
It was true. The silk purse shimmered against my sash, as if it belonged there.
Zairena leaned close to my ear. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Takkan notices.”
I whirled to face her.
“What?” She smirked. “I don’t care that he’s taken up with you. Perhaps that was our misunderstanding from the start. Now don’t get my purse dirty; I want it back after the festival.” She flashed her teeth, a smile that was not quite kind, but probably the best she could do.
The pursewasbeautiful, it just wasn’t for me. I didn’t need or want Zairena’s help to feel pretty, and certainly not to catch Takkan’s attention. I handed it back to her, shaking my head.
“Suit yourself,” said Zairena, returning my satchel to my shoulder.
When she left, I glanced at Kiki on the rafters above. These days, she enjoyed fluttering from beam to beam rather than suffocating in my sleeves.Aren’t you coming?I asked her.
To watch you moon over the lordling’s singing?
I crossed my arms.I thought you were looking forward to it.
Music makes me sleepy,Kiki said, feigning a yawn.I’d rather wait here than have to hide in your sleeve anyway. Just don’t linger too long. Your brothers are waiting, don’t forget.
I blew Kiki a kiss, then hurried out, hopping into one of the wagons bound for Iro. As its wheels trundled down the hill, I watched the sky. Reds and pinks brushed the clouds—violet, too—like dawn and dusk blended together.
There would be no moon once the sun fell. Tonight Imurinya returned to heaven and became a specter of her past: the goddess of fate. I only prayed that she would look kindly on mine.
