Grave as Edan sounded, his faith in me warmed some of the ice around my heart. I bit my lip, hoping Sarnai would believehim.
The war minister stood. “This is preposterous. We cannot allow a demon in our midst. Arrest her at once. Lord Xina, I beg you to listen to reason—”
“This ismyarmy to command,” Lady Sarnai said sharply. “Not Lord Xina’s. I give this warning once, Minister Zha, and only because you are new to my rule.”
While the minister cowered, Sarnai’s cold gaze returned to me. “Tomorrow morning, I will announce whether or not we march to Jappor. And I will decide the fate of Maia Tamarin. You are dismissed.”
• • •
“Do you think she’ll change her mind?”
Edan knew I wasn’t asking whether Lady Sarnai would spare my life, but whether she’d see the sense in marching to Jappor.
He considered my question. “She is a brilliant warrior, but an inexperienced leader. The shansen never gave her command of his troops during the Five Winters’ War. She was but a girl of fourteen when the war began—very young, and in awe of her father’s reputation and strength. Now that she must fight him, it’s hard to predict what she will or will not do.”
I thought of how the shansen had hesitated before attacking Sarnai. “Do you think he loved her?”
“Before Gyiu’rak corrupted him? Perhaps, in his own way. But the shansen has always loved power above all else. He saw Sarnai’s potential and promised her command of his armies when she came of age.”
“He also promised she wouldn’t have to marry,” I said, remembering what Lady Sarnai herself had told me long ago.
“He bought her loyalty. She served him, and she truly believed that he could make A’landi better by deposing Emperor Khanujin. But when he began dealing with Gyiu’rak, their relationship was poisoned. And when the truce was sealed and he sent her to marry the emperor, her faith in him was completely destroyed.”
“And her faith in A’landi as well,” I murmured with a frown. “How can I help her? We need more men, and we have so little time.”
I paused. The emperor’s banner lay before me. I had intended to sew it into a burial robe, but another idea had been pricking at me.
“The bird I made to find you—and Lady Sarnai. I can make more. Hundreds more.” I swallowed, touching my amulet. The walnut halves felt hollow under my palm. “I only hope I remember how to sew.” I looked at my claws and winced.
Edan took one edge of the banner, so we held it together.
“I’ll help you,” he said.
We set to work, cutting the banner into a hundred squares. Edan folded, and I sewed. I could only manage the most basic of stitches, the ones Mama had taught me when I was a girl. It was enough.
Into each bird, I sewed a thread from the remains of my enchanted carpet to give them the gift of flight. The threads twitched as I worked, awoken by the magic thrumming in my blood.
Why so selfish, Maia? You don’t need birds to win the war. You have enough power to overthrow the shansen. If you sacrifice yourself, you would save thousands from death. Is that not honorable?
I bit my lip so hard it began to bleed.
“Are you all right?” Edan asked, looking worried.
“If I could save A’landi by giving in”—I faltered, staring at my hands; at whatusedto be my hands—“by completely turning into a demon, shouldn’t I? No one would have to fight. I could save the lives of countless men and women.”
“If you give in, Maia, you won’t be yourself anymore.” He pried the needle from my shaking fingers. “Hold on for just a little longer. For A’landi. For me.”
“I fear it’ll drive me mad,” I confessed. “There’s so much anger in me. I can’t control it.” I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could drive away all the horrible memories of what I’d done since Bandur had cursed me. Those memories were much sharper than anything from my previous life.
“What if I forget you again?” I whispered. “What if I—”
“Attack me?” Edan took in a tight breath. “You might. Enchanters and demons are natural enemies.”
Seeing my horrified reaction, he kissed me softly. “If you forget me, I’ll find a way to make you remember again. And if you attack me”—he flattened my hand against his chest—“I’ll hold you until you stop.”
I wasn’t convinced, but Edan wasn’t finished.
“I believe what I said to Master Tsring, about you being good.” His fingers brushed my hair, sweeping it away from my eyes and to the side of my face. “Every day you’re changing. You look more and more like a demon, and I know the voice inside you is growing stronger. But your heart isyours,Maia. That will not change as long as you hold on to it.”
