He lowered the dagger slowly. With every inch that it fell, my heart sank.
“I love you, Maia. Come back.”
My fury vanished, leaving me hollow. Broken.
This was the boy who’d given himself up to a demon for me. The boy I’d given up the sun and moon and stars to be with.
The boy I loved.
I wanted to burrow myself into the earth and stay rooted there, where I would hurt no one, and no one could hurt me.
Edan dropped the dagger. It landed on the dirt with a thump, the meteorite side of the blade still glimmering. The world came into stark focus, and yet everything was spinning, spinning and unraveling. I couldn’t keep up.
“I’m sorry,” he said, uttering the words I should have spoken. “I shouldn’t have—”
I couldn’t listen. I couldn’t bear the pity, couldn’t bear to see the emotions warring on his face. I turned and ran. Even as Edan’s voice calling “Maia!” faded into oblivion, I didn’t stop.
The name meant nothing to me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Trees blurred into rushes of color as I fled through the forest, half running and half flying. Ribbons of smoke curled after me, and my feet were barely touching the ground.
I was moving like a demon.
How could Edan think there was any chance for us when I had almost killed him? How foolish I’d been to hope that by freeing myself from Bandur everything might return to the way it had been before.
Maybe I should go far away—where I wouldn’t be a danger to anyone but myself.
I slowed, coming back to earth. Foxes and squirrels scattered, making for the bushes and the trees, but the birds did not flee. At leasttheyweren’t afraid of me.
My claws snagged against my sleeves, and I ripped away the excess fabric. Sparks flicked from my nails, like flashes of the fireworks I’d seen dancing above the Autumn Palace.
Where could I go, looking like this? Not Port Kamalan.
Yet it was the only place Iwishedto go. I hadn’t been brave enough to say goodbye to Baba and Keton last time, and now I regretted it more than anything.
No, I had other regrets too. Fresh ones.
“You are my family and my home,” Edan had said.
“And you are mine,” I should have told him. I said it now, and I curled my arms around my chest, hugging the ache inside me. The pain was like a knot holding me together, one I did not dare undo.
Didn’t Edan see? He was why I needed to stay, why I needed to fight for the emperor. There would be no home for Baba, Keton, and him—no home for any of us—if Gyiu’rak and the shansen conquered A’landi.
My amulet grazed my knuckles, the walnut ridges sharper than I remembered. I clasped it, feeling Amana’s power recoiling from the demon I was becoming. My dresses had been stronger when they were three;Ihad been stronger, too. But for all the tremendous power they held, they could not free me from Bandur’s curse. They were doomed along with me.
And with only two left, I didn’t have much time.
Edan was still far behind me. I’d wait for him, apologize, and we’d go to the Winter Palace together. Then, if the gods favored us and we won against the shansen, I would go home to Baba and Keton one last time.
Are you even sure your father and brother are still safe in Port Kamalan?a dark voice rippled inside me.
I stilled. For the first time, I didn’t tell her to go away.What do you know?
Perhaps it is the shansen you should fight for, if you wish your family to be safe.
My eyes began to burn, so hot that I cried out in pain. All of me convulsed, and I curled against an oak tree, tendrils of bright fiery smoke unfurling from my skin.
