Together we hummed the melody, its lilting energy so wistful and simple I thought of Port Kamalan, of my brothers and of Mama. As the tune approached its end, an ache for home swelled in my throat, and I could barely hum the last note. That ache sat with me a long time, even when the rhythm of my breath finally steadied, matching Edan’s.
But still I could not sleep.
I waited an hour before I dared to move. Edan had fallen asleep again, so, careful not to disturb him, I rose and sat at his desk to pen a letter home.
Dear Baba and Keton,
I’m sorry I left so suddenly.
The emperor called me back—
I pray that you are safe and far from the field of battle, and do not need the comfort of this letter. I do not know when I’ll be able to write again, but I write now to tell you I am well and being looked after. Please do not worry about me.
Keton, please be careful. Baba, too.
If I do not see you again, know that my heart is with you.
My brush sagged, and I clutched my head in my hand. How could I tell them I’d come into the possession of unspeakable power and that both Emperor Khanujinandthe shansen were combing the country for me? How could I write that their lives were in danger—because of me—and that I couldn’t protect even them…becauseIwas the last person I trusted.
Because I was turning into a demon.
What I’d written would have to be enough. There was nothing I could add that wouldn’t bring Baba and Keton pain.
I picked up my brush again and reached for a fresh page. My fingers trembled, as if I could not remember how to set my brush to ink, as if my hands did not know how to form characters on paper. I squeezed the handle tight, the dripping ink smearing under the side of my palm.
This time, I wrote to Edan.
A long time ago, a foolish girl was asked to weave the sun, embroider the moon, and paint the stars, three impossible tasks she did not believe she could accomplish. But that foolish girl was lucky, even more so because those three impossible tasks freed the boy she loved.
I am lucky, Edan. I know that for every dawn, dusk must unravel its darkness. I know I have to pay a price for what I’ve done, yet I would not change anything about the choices I have made.
Still, I will not lie. Shadows cling to me, and darkness folds over me. Some days, I do not even remember how to set my needle to cloth. I would rather leave you now while I still remember your face, your voice, your name.
I swallowed, loosening my grip on the brush.
And should you ever feel alone, when I am gone, go to my father and brother. They will know who you are, and they will love you. Look after them and protect them, the way you would protect me.
I beg you, Edan, let me be strong. Let me go.
I blew once on the letter to dry the ink, then I slipped it into one of his cloak pockets, tucking it inside his flute so he wouldn’t find it right away. If we were successful in defeating Bandur and in lifting his terrible curse from me, I would take it back and burn it. If not, then I would leave him. And when I did, at least he’d have a piece of me—of therealme, no matter what came.
Only one task left.
Reaching for my tailor’s tools, I touched my amulet to summon the dress of the blood of stars. It was the most fickle of my dresses, and the one most connected to me. I’d held off on repairing it for so long, not wanting to remind myself of what I had sacrificed to make it.
Streams of silk curled out of the amulet, and the star-painted dress materialized in my arms. Though the bodice was ripped and the skirts torn, seeing it still filled me with wonder. As I set it over my lap, its fabric came alive at my touch, unleashing a trove of colors—most of all a vibrant, shimmering violet, like stars beaming from across the universe. And power enough, I hoped, to slay a demon.
I set to work.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
A stroke of sunlight caressed my face, easing my eyelids open.
I blinked, not remembering that I’d fallen asleep. But I was back in bed, a thin muslin blanket folded over me, and Edan was gone.
On my pillow I found a fresh plum blossom, and a note written in Edan’s small, elegant hand.
I’m going to look for Master Tsring. There are fried buns and peanut cakes for breakfast. You’ll like the cakes. Will save you some before they’re all gone.
