I didn’t reply. Instead, I scooted closer to him, inhaling the warmth of his skin. “Why do they call you Gen here?”
Edan folded an arm under his head. “It was my name before I became an enchanter. They will call me by no other name until I regain enough magic to be deserving.”
“So you no longer have a thousand names?”
“For now,” he said, with a twinkle in his eye. “Don’t worry, I’ll earn them back.”
We laughed, but the sound struck me as hollow. I didn’t want our last days to be like this, pretending everything was the way it used to be.
At my silence, he prodded, “Are you worried about what Master Tsring said?”
“No.” I hesitated. We’d searched for the master after dinner, but he was nowhere to be found. “I was just listening.”
“Listening?” He flashed a grin. “To me?”
“You were snoring,” I teased.
“Ah, how our roles have changed.” A bittersweet note touched his voice. “I remember when we were on the Road,Iwas the one who used to listen to you. You snore a little before you fall fully asleep. I’d gotten used to the sound.”
I poked him playfully in the ribs. “I don’t snore.”
“You don’t. Except when you’re exhausted.” He took my hand and rubbed my bruised knuckles, a question in his raised eyebrow. The amusement fled from his tone. “What’s this?”
I drew my hand back. “Nothing.”
“Maia…tell me.”
I wouldn’t look at him. I stared at the ceiling, then at the grooves in the granite walls. Finally I said, “I…I got angry at myself after lunch.”
“Why?” he pressed.
“Sometimes I see things—hear things….”
“From Lapzur,” Edan murmured, tightening his hand over mine. “When was the first time?”
I faltered, listening to the rustling of leaves outside the monastery, the falling pebbles against the stone walls. The ghosts had disappeared, and I eased my breath, letting my shoulders relax. Just a little; I knew they hadn’t left me entirely. The shadow of Lapzur hung over me like a shroud.
Edan asked again, “What did you see just now—outside the window?”
“The ghosts of Lapzur,” I whispered. “They’re not happy with me for coming here.”
Edan’s dark eyes glittered. “Are they still there?”
“They’re gone.” It was my turn to grin, though it took effort. “Maybe they remembered to be frightened of you.”
“How often do they visit you?” he asked quietly.
“Every night. Sometimes in the day, too. I didn’t want to worry you—”
It’s easier to fight them off when I’m with you,I wanted to say.Easier to slip into my old self and make believe I have more time. Easier to look into the mirror and remember who I am.But I couldn’t.
“That’s why you haven’t been able to sleep.”
“I don’t need to.”
If what I said troubled him, he didn’t show it. He wrapped me in his arms, clasping me to him. “Rest now. What did your brothers do when you were little and couldn’t sleep?”
I thought hard. “Sendo used to tell me stories when there was a storm. I was more afraid of thunder than of lightning. Keton used to tease me that the thunder was an evil spirit hungry for the hearts of little girls. He liked to scare me.”
