She nods, understanding flickering in her eyes. “I’m going to speak to him today, okay?”
I manage a small nod. “Thanks, Lorraine.”
I really hope she can get some answers out of Soren. She’s the only one who ever seems to be able to talk to him without fear.
I keep my gaze down as I make my way to the head of the table and slip into the chair to Soren’s right. Thankfully the corner of the table gives me a tiny bit of separation, though it’s not much. No one’s allowed to siton my right side, that would be too close. I lean my face into my hands for a moment, staring at the small, neat portion of food Lorraine has already placed in front of me. She always knows I don’t eat much.
“Thanks, Lorraine,” I murmur.
Soren grunts from beside me, the sound low and displeased. “Lor, what the fuck is that portion?”
Lorraine huffs, wiping her hands on her apron. “Respectfully, Soren, I think I know what’s best for Kit. He doesn’t eat much. I always end up throwing his food away.”
I offer her a small, grateful smile. “It’s fine, thanks.”
Soren ignores me completely, of course. “Lor, this is a child’s portion.”
Everyone at the table has gone quiet now. The sudden silence presses on me. I swallow hard and mumble again, “It’s fine.”
I keep my eyes fixed on the plate, hating every single second of this. Soren doesn’t let it go, he starts to speak again, voice sharpening.
Something inside me finally snaps. I shout before I can think, my voice cracking with frustration and leftover fear from the dream. “Soren, I said it’sfine!”
The words hang in the air like a gunshot. Soren slowly turns his head toward me. I instantly look away, cheeks burning, and shove a reluctant bite of food into my mouth just to have something to do.
I force myself to glance up at the rest of the table and gesture vaguely with my fork. “Carry on.”
I’m praying they’ll all start talking again and stop staring at me like my tiny portion of eggs is the most important thing happening right now. They all look at Soren first. He just grunts, maybe nods too, I don’t dare check, because the conversations slowly pick back up around us.Thankfully.
I don’t miss the small, surprised smiles Armen and Selina send my way from across the table. Lorraine offers a proud little smile and a quick wink from the far end where she’s filling glasses with water.
But now the dread is settling in deep. I know I’ve probably pissed Soren off. No one speaks to him like that, ever, and yet I just did. I have no idea what will happen now, what he’ll do once we’re alone, or even later tonight when he decides he wants me again. My hands tremble slightly as I pick at the food, the dream still fresh behind my eyes… his tall frame, the cold muzzle of the gun under my chin. I keep my head down and wish that I could disappear completely.
???
I can’t manage even this small child’s portion that Soren had complained about. Every bite feels like lead in my throat, and after a few reluctant mouthfuls the rest just sits there untouched on the plate. My hands are still trembling slightly from the outburst I never meant to let slip. I finally set my cutlery down with a quiet clink, the sound feels far too loud in the space around me.
Soren leans forward on the table. He doesn’t even have to make much effort; with his size and the way hedominates every room he’s in, his face is suddenly right there, close enough that I can feel the warmth of his breath against my ear.
His voice drops low, rough and edged with something I can’t quite read. “That's really all you’re going to eat after shouting at me?”
My stomach drops like a stone. I don’t reply. I just pick the fork back up with numb fingers and stab it into a piece of bacon, forcing myself to lift it toward my mouth even though my appetite is completely gone.
Soren lets out a short, low laugh that sends another shiver down my spine. “I thought you were full.”
I manage the smallest whisper, barely audible even to myself. “I am.”
“Look at me.”
I shake my head quickly, eyes fixed on the plate, curls falling forward to hide my face.
He sighs, the sound heavy and frustrated, but not quite angry in the way I expect. “You’re stillthatscared that you’ll force yourself to eat if I tell you to?”
The back-and-forth confusion crashes over me all at once. Does he want me to eat or not? Am I supposed to obey or resist? The questions tangle in my head until I can’t breathe properly. It’s too much after the nightmare, after Armen’s unexpected kindness, after daring to raise my voice at him.
I swallow hard, close my eyes for a second, and say in the quietest voice I can manage, “I’m going to get dressed.”
I stand up abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor. Before I can take even one step, Soren’s hand shoots out and grabs the belt of my robe, fingers closing around the thin fabric. “Kit…”
