Owen:You looked so good last night. God, I love you.
I stare at it until my eyes blur. Then I close it. Yup, I do feel worse.
Sighing, I open Instagram and scroll.
Someone’s vacation photos.
A sponsored ad for a weighted blanket.
A girl I went to high school with announcing her engagement with a ring photo, her hand splayed across her boyfriend’s chest.
I keep scrolling. A recipe. A sunset. A dog wearing a Halloween costume that won’t be relevant for another three months.
The mundanity of it all pisses me off. The world just keeps spinning, completely indifferent. Don’t they all realize that we’re plummeting to our death second by second?
Fucking dog Halloween costumes and sunset pictures is all they have to show for it.
I swipe the app away.
Knox’s contact is sitting there when I open my messages. I hover over it for way longer than I should, my thumb doing nothing.
What would I even say?
No. I won’t do it.
Fuck this. I need a drink more than I need a sandwich. The bar is just around the corner, visible from where I’m sitting, and it’s empty right now. I’ll order something and wait there and be out in ten minutes and home in twenty and this day will finally, mercifully be over.
I round the corner and find a seat near the end, scanning the bottles behind the bar, when something in my peripheral vision snags my attention.
It’s Knox, sitting with his back partly to me. He’s at a table toward the back of the dining room, sitting with his parents, two others I don’t recognize, and Ella.
He told me he had a business meeting. That’s what he said, and I stood there and believed him.
It’s not that he’s here. That he lied. It’s the way they all look together. So normal and happy. Even Richard is laughing at something, wine glass raised. The candles on the table make them all look so warm and glowing, like a photograph of a family that has never known a difficult day.
It feels like a fist is closing around my throat.
“What can I get you?” I turn and find the bartender in front of me, polishing a glass. I stare at him for a second, not registering his question. “Did you want a drink?”
“A drink…yes.” I hesitate, knowing I should get up and leave. There’s no reason to watch whatever that is. But I can’t move. “Vodka cranberry…please.”
“Coming right up.”
He turns to make my drink, and when I glance back at them, my stomach drops to the floor and heart shatters all at once.
Knox is on one knee in front of Ella.
The unthinkable, happening in the space of a breath.
Again.
The ring shines from the candlelight as he holds it out in front of her. Ella’s hands are pressed to her mouth. Victoria is crying, reaching for Richard’s arm. The woman I don’t know is beaming and holding out her phone to record.
Knox says something. I can’t hear it, but I already know.
Ella nods and wipes tears from the corner of her eyes.
Oh my God. Oh my God. What the fuck is happening?
