I huffed a weak laugh as he folded his arms around me. Even though things couldn’t be more twisted in our lives of violence, death, and power, I succumbed to the immediate peace and security that his hugs gave me.
“Or are you saying that you’re sorry he’s dead?”
I shook my head, rubbing my face against his shirt. He didn’t retreat or give me space, nor did he react with annoyance that I was soaking the fabric with my tears. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t have done anything all these years for this to not have to be the outcome.”
He sighed, dipping his head toward my shoulder and rubbing my back. Each long and steady caress was a firm pressure that grounded me. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know. Somewhere in the back of my head, I do know that. But I can’t help it. I wish things hadn’t gotten to this point. If I’m going down that path, then I don’t have to stop there. I can waste my time wishing that my parents were never killed, and that we’d never entered that phase of war with other Cartels. So many wishes that won’t happen because no one can go back in time and change the past.”
He didn’t reply, and that helped. If he tried to force me to agree or to argue with me that I was wrong with this mindset… Simply having him hear me out soothed my soul.
“I mourn the brother I wished he could be. That’s the loss that will hurt my heart.” I lifted to peer at him, latching on to the love that shone from his eyes. “I can grieve that I’ve lost the chance for me and my brother to be the siblings my parents would havebeen proud of, but I don’t regret any—” I heaved out a deep but shaky exhale. “I don’t regret anything.”
He cupped my face and kissed my forehead reverently.
“I don’t regrethowI got to this point with you today. And I don’t regret being arranged with you and starting this life with you.” Guilt returned, but I licked my lips and stayed determined to plow past the uncomfortable feeling. “I am sorry for that, Maksim. For how it had to have sounded when I spoke to him outside.”
He furrowed his brow, shaking his head like he wasn’t following.
“When I said that it was his fault for arranging the marriage. As if it was something I still detested or didn’t appreciate.”
“No, that’s not— No. That wasn’t how I interpreted it at all.”
I swallowed hard and wrapped my arms around him tighter, never wanting to let go. “I didn’t say it with the implication that our being married is bad. I would never forgive myself if I made it sound like I had regrets about being with you. Aboutus.”
He pulled me closer and kissed me. Gently. Tenderly. And somehow with that one gesture, he poured so much understanding into it. “I know that, Carina.” He kissed me again until I sighed into his lips. “I will never doubt your feelings about me and what we share.”
In any other circumstances, that would’ve sounded so cocky and smug of him, but I saw it as nothing but the truth.
“I feel this love between us,” he said softly, stroking his thumb over my cheek. “I hear the pride in your voice when you remind anyone that I’m your husband and that you are a Volkov.”
I nodded and kissed him back.
“I see the commitment you have to being my wife and strategist.” He slid his arm around me tighter, and I stepped into his space.
“Then you can count on that for the rest of our lives.” I pressed my cheek to his chest and closed my eyes for a moment, savoring the familiarity of his heartbeat against my ear, strong and true. “I will make my case to you every single day,” I promised. “I will never change my mind about us.”
“Neither will I.” He brushed my hair back from my face and held me.
“I mean it.” I reared back to look at him. “I will always be yours, Maksim. Yours to protect even when I insist on doing some things my way.”
He nodded. “That’s who we are. Partners.”
Getting lost in his warm stare on me, I hoped that he really comprehended how stubborn I was about this vow. This moment felt stronger and more charged than those vows we shared in that hasty wedding, where we’d only been there to prove it was legitimate and a done deal. These sentiments I wanted him to hear from me in our room, while I accepted that there were no other survivors to the Garcia Cartel but me, they held so much more impact and significance.
I wasn’t trying to butter him up and convince him that I was solidly on his team. This devotion that I embraced from my soul was a fierce drive that I would never slack in. With all that I wanted to do and say for the rest of my life, it had to be with an obedience to only one law between us.
Love.
I’d come here not that many months ago, confused about why I was sent away from my home the way I had been. Homesickness came and went over all those weeks.
But that would never happen again.
My home was here. With this strong man who could face hard things and still prove he would love me and care for me.
I hadn’t counted on ever falling in love with my husband, but now I saw that was the guiding light that would remind me of where I would always belong.
“I love you, Maksim, with all my heart. I pray that you will never have a reason to doubt that ever again.”
