Pausing, my eyes zero in on my girl across the room with her sister and Cora. They’re talking in the corner and something Cora says has Mila throwing her head back in laughter. Jealousy flares through me, but I immediately push it down. Other people can make her laugh—well maybe just Cora and her sister. I’d punch someone else if they did it.
Following my gaze, Emma smirks. “Did you get bit by the love bug too, Kash?”
The tables are set up for tomorrow, and it makes me glad it’s not a huge wedding. Way less work. Besides the Morgan family, Cora only wanted to invite a few people from the library, and since Atty doesn’t really like people, it’s not a large audience. They found a local bed-and-breakfast that specializes in intimate weddings. It’s a mix of country and modern; even I can admit it’s cute.
Sitting down at one of the tables, I keep my eyes on Mila, but answer Emma’s question. “I did.”
Focusing on the girls, Emma smiles. “Mila’s a very sweet girl, Kash. I like it.”
As if hearing her name, Mila turns in our direction. Her face softens and she offers me a shy smile. I want to blow a kiss at her, but I settle for a grin and wink. I can see the blush from across the room, and I don’t even mind when she walks off with the girls. I love knowing I can make her flush without even touching her.
“Is it that obvious? I like her a lot, Emma,” I admit softly. In fact, I more than like her; I love Mila with my entire existence, but Emma doesn’t need to know that.
“Oh, trust me, anyone with eyes can tell.” She laughs, putting her hand on my arm. “You seem confident about this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for your happiness, but what changed? What makes her so special for you to turn your back on all of your rules?”
“Mila is above those rules. She’s the exception to all of them. They don’t apply to her.” I know exactly what she’s talking about.
Kash ~ age 16
“It’s not worth being mad over, Kash. Why be mad at what you can't change?”
Emma sits beside me in the backyard. I’m too busy plucking blades of grass out to give her a response. Mother’s Day is today, and I hate everything. I hate her. I stew in silence for a minute. “I just don’t get it,” I admit quietly. “Why wasn’t I enough?”
Wrapping her arm around my shoulders, Emma pulls me closer to her. “You are enough, Kash. You were enough the moment you took your first breath.”
“Then why didn’t she stay?” I hate how babyish it sounds coming out. I’m sixteen, almost six feet tall, and I’m sulking because I don’t have my mom.
“I can’t answer that for her. Maybe losing your dad broke something in her, and she didn’t know how to fix it.”
“But I’m broken too.”
“You are not broken, Kash. A little bruised and hurt, sure, but never broken.”
“Bruised enough she wouldn’t stay. Bruised enough she didn’t want me.”
“You can’t put what other people do on yourself. You are not responsible for their decisions. Only yours.”
“Yeah, well I’m never having a relationship or getting married.”
Shaking her head, Emma looks at me with sadness. “Kash, you’ll miss out on some amazing experiences if you do that. Don’t close yourself off to people.”
“Not all people, just relationships. If I leave first, no one can leave me, right?”
"You can’t control what happens in the universe. Your dad’s death is proof of that.”
Standing to my full height, I stare down at Emma in disbelief. “He never would have left if she had died instead. He didn’t get a choice. She had the choice! She chose to leave me!”
Rising from her seat, Emma crosses her arms over her chest. “You’re right. She did make the choice, and she chose wrong, but?—”
“But nothing, Emma. I’m going to make my own rules. No relationships. No marriage. No promises. No being broken. If I leave first, no one can leave me behind.”
Shaking her head sadly, Emma pats my shoulder. “Whatever you say, Kash, but I can promise you this: one day that’s going to change, and when it happens, I won’t say I told you so. I’ll just be happy you finally allowed yourself to believe that you deserve love and are willing to put yourself out there for it.”
Turning on her heel, Emma heads back into the house. She’s goingto be waiting a long time. Staring at the sky, I say a silent apology to my dad and a fuck you to the universe.
“Mila is so far above all those rules I thought I needed. She’s everything to me, Emma.”
Smiling, Emma pats my hand. “I’m happy for you.”
