Molly couldn’t stop crying. I’ve always been a good friend in times of comfort and sorrow, but even I struggled to find the right words. We still haven’t been given any information about the rest of our colleagues, and I’m hoping that the old saying of ‘no news being good news’ is actually true.
I also can’t stop thinking about those men and what they said about Jeremy. I hope he’s okay. I hope that they were wrong and just talking smack. I want to wake up from this horror story, but as much as I pinch myself hoping it will all go away, the reality remains.
People died today and I was spared. I was spared because I ducked out for coffee and that probably saved my life.
“How you doin’?” Logan asks quietly. He’s facing me on the stool at the bar while people mill around, hovering.
Dozer is sitting on my knee doing what he does best. It’s comforting having him here, even though he’s not mine. There’s something about a dog's presence that just instantly puts you at ease. Titan, bless him, is lying nearby.
I nod. “I’m okay.”
“Don’t lie to me. You’ve barely touched your drink.”
I’m about to open my mouth and protest, but quickly close it again when I feel his gaze on me. There’s no use in lying to a man like Logan. He’s been around the block a time or two, and I know that he knows how to spot when someone is lying. Or in this case, saving face. It’s almost the same thing.
“I hate scotch.”
“It helps in times of shock.”
“What, by knocking the wind out of your sails with the fumes?” I say, shaking my head.
He’s trying to help, and I sound like I’m whining.
“If you want to talk about it…”
“I don’t. I’m fine.”
He pauses for a few brief moments and then says, “You don’t have to hold anything back. What you saw was horrific. Nobody expects you to be in lawyer mode all the time. People you worked with died. People you were probably friends with…”
I turn to look at him. “I know that, and I’m dealing with all of that in my own way.”
I mean wow, he can talk—he’s not exactly Mr. Verbose himself.
His face doesn’t change, but I see his throat bob. “Payden, your entire office was annihilated, and you’ve barely said anythin’. It’s okay, if you want to cry or somethin’.”
I know he’s being sweet and waiting for me to crack, but crying isn’t going to bring Deidre back, and in any case, I sobbed in his arms when I kicked my way out of that cupboard. I cried with Molly and he left us alone to talk, hovering outside not letting even the nurses come in unless they were scrutinized.
“I know that.” I take a breath. My voice is a whisper when I add, “We don’t know that it was the entire office, do we? I mean, some of my colleagues would’ve gotten out. Surely?”
Except, nobody ran past me when I was making my way up to the second floor. Nobody fled.
But they could’ve gone through the back. Yes, they could very well have because that would’ve been the most obvious choice.
On the other hand, I know that Logan has been holding things back from me all afternoon while he went in and out of meetings with Cash and the boys. He knows more than he’s letting on.
I get that he’s worried, and that he has to abide by their dumb club laws and keep a tight lid on things, but I’m not going to flip out. This happened to me, not him. My colleagues and friends. People I care about.
Even when I felt the panic rising in that damn cupboard, my palms sweating, and my head spinning, I fought through it. Later, I had to be strong for Molly. Her parents live in LA so it took a few hours before they were able to get on a plane. Being strong is what I do. It’s what I’m known for at work… At work. Now there is nothing left except carnage.
I blink back tears. I need to know who made it and who didn’t. I need answers.
Logan seems reluctant to give me them, shifting in his seat. “Jeremy didn’t make it. The others I’m not sure about. We’ll know more soon. The cops aren’t releasing names until the families are contacted, you know how it works.”
They’re all facts. Things I already know, but somehow it seems unfair. Grossly, utterly, devastatingly unfair.
“Fine, if that’s how it’s going to be. I’ll find answers myself.” I go to leave, Dozer shifting his head at my sudden movement. Titan lifts his head, glancing around.
Logan snags my wrist. “You’re not goin’ anywhere.”
