“How utterly dreadful that would be,” I teased him.
Instead, he held out his hand and I took it, following him back into the bedroom. This rather shabby motel wasn’t what I had pictured for my first time, but I couldn’t bring myself to care in the least. Not when Bash looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life.
Bash flicked on the lamp by the bed and the room filled with soft, golden light that disguised the worn carpet and mystery stains. He slid onto the bed first, patting the narrow strip beside him, and suddenly, I was hyperaware of every movement I made. Like I was stepping out onstage, spotlit, except the only critic in the audience wanted me, badly.
We lay on our sides, facing each other, inches apart. It was Bash who closed the gap, reaching to cradle my chin with his hand and kiss me, chaste at first and then not at all. I kissed him back, feeling my own hips surge forward, our cocks bumping and then grinding together. Skin on skin. I must have made a needy sound because he grinned into the kiss and wrapped his leg around my hip, pulling us even closer. I didn’t know my own body could feel like this—like it was made for pleasure.
He lowered his hand, tracing my shoulder, forearm, palm, then lacing our fingers tightly. For a moment, we just looked at each other, drunk on the closeness. No one had ever looked at me like that: hungry, adoring, the gaze almost reverent. The air between us felt elevated, on the verge of something wonderful and enormous.
“I would really like to fuck you,” he said softly. “I wish I had a more romantic way of saying it, but words are failing me a little right now.”
I was nodding before he’d even finished his sentence. “Yes. I would like that very much.”
“Well, that remains to be seen since both of us are greener than grass at this, but I appreciate the confidence.”
As jokes went it wasn’t his best one, but I did appreciate his attempt at levity as it made me understand he was as nervous as I was. “I’m sure it’ll be satisfactory.”
Bash laughed, a sound that was equal parts amusement and nerves. “Satisfactory? Christ, Eddie, you make it sound like we’re discussing exam grades.”
“I’m terribly sorry,” I said, my cheeks heating. “I’m rather rubbish at this sort of conversation.”
“You’re perfect,” Bash said softly, his thumb tracing along my jaw. “And we don’t need to talk about it anymore.”
He was right. Whatever nervousness remained between us dissolved as he kissed me again, slow and thorough.
This was happening.
This was real.
And I was ready.
“I trust you completely.”
19
BASH
The trust in Eddie’s voice when he said those words hit me harder than incoming mortar fire. He was looking at me with those gorgeous green eyes, completely open, completely vulnerable, and I felt the weight of what he was offering.
Sweet Jesus, I was about to be this man’s first. His first everything, really, and here I was pretending like I knew what the hell I was doing when the truth was, I’d never done this either. Sure, I’d been with women, but this? This was uncharted territory for both of us, and Eddie was trusting me to navigate it without getting us both lost.
“Thank you,” I said, and there was something almost reverent in the way I said it, like he’d given me something precious. Because he had. “I won’t let you down.”
The problem was, I wasn’t entirely sure how to keep that promise. My experience with men extended to a couple of fumbling hand jobs years ago that had been more about release than connection, and nothing like what Eddie and I were building toward. But looking into his eyes, seeing the complete faith he had in me, I knew we’d figure it out together.
We had to.
“We’re both flying blind here, you know that, right?” I said, trying to inject some lightness into my voice. “I mean, I’ve got the theory down, but theory and practice are two different things.”
Eddie’s smile was soft and understanding. “I rather suspected as much. I’ve done my research as well, but I imagine it’s rather like learning to drive by reading the manual.”
“Exactly.” I kissed him gently, grateful for his patience. “So we’ll take it slow, figure it out as we go. And you tell me if anything doesn’t feel right, yeah?”
“I promise.”
I kissed him again, deeper this time, trying to pour all my nervous energy into the connection between us.
When we broke apart, both breathing harder, I forced myself to address the practical side of things. “So, uh, supplies. I, erm, may have stopped by the campus store a few days ago while I was out for a run and bought some stuff just in case.”
