No matter how much it hurts.
By the time I get to my hotel, I’m more upset and frustrated than before I started walking. I have to make an impossible decision, without input from anyone. My friends think I should give Viktor and our marriage a chance. A real change.
My father wants me to stay close to home where he can keep me under his thumb and continue trying to convince me to sell the property.
The worst thing is that I don’t know what Viktor wants.
As wonderful as he is, I don’t believe he’s in love with me. I think we were getting there but after that last conversation, I have doubts. About him. About our situation. About everything.
I reach for my phone throughout the evening, itching to call him, especially when the team takes game three. Finally, I decide on a compromise and text him. Maybe that makes me a chicken, but I can’t bear the growing distance between us and hearing it in his voice will hurt more than a curt text reply.
HOLLY: Congratulations! I’m so proud of you guys. I was watching all through my dinner meeting. Everyone was cheering for you.
To my surprise, he replies almost instantly.
VIKTOR: Thank you. It was a good night. How did the interview go? Do you think you got the job?
Ugh.
How do I answer that?
According to everyone I spoke to, the formal offer is coming.
I don’t want to jinx it, though. At least, not until I’ve made a decision about what I want.
HOLLY: I think it went well but we’ll see if they make me an offer, and what the financial details are.
VIKTOR: I am happy for you. Are you coming to Alaska tomorrow?
HOLLY: Yes. I should be there by late afternoon.
VIKTOR: I will see you then.
HOLLY: Good night.
VIKTOR: Good night.
Ugh.
Could we be any more impersonal?
I have to figure out what I’m going to say to him when I get to Anchorage and how to behave for the rest of the season because we can’t let anyone see that we’re already having problems.
I fall into a restless sleep, tossing and turning all night, dozing here and there, and finally giving up at five-thirty since I have to leave for the airport by six. Hopefully, I can doze on the plane.
I’ve just gotten out of the shower when I hear my phone ringing and I hurry to answer it.
It’s Jay.
He almost never calls.
Unless there’s an emergency at the sanctuary.
Crap.
“Jay?” I answer worriedly.
“Hey, Holly.” His voice is sad. Muted.
